Feb 1: Mindfulness in the kitchen

Hey rock stars. Yes, it's Sunday, weigh in day. I've shot the "raw" footage and will probably post the viddie tonight. Right now I'm at the office. I figured the best way to combat my resentment at having to be here on the weekend was to not work. At least for a little while.

As for the title of the blog: this is something I've been thinking about for a few weeks. As you may know from previous entries, in the last few years I've been a fairly regular client at Jenny Craig. I've always been sort of sheepish and embarrassed about it, I guess because I realize, even if other people don't, that the reason JC works for me is because of my food issues. I was actually diagnosed around 6 years ago with binge eating disorder. When I'm on Jenny Craig, there is almost nothing in my kitchen to cook with because I don't need it, and I don't trust myself not to binge on it. My fridge is a condiment storage facility and little else. (It's the freezer that sees all the action.) And I'm embarrassed about my lack of self control, even if Western science wants me to feel okay about it by giving me a diagnosis, which seems to defer responsibility by saying I'm sick, ergo I can't help it.

The Kitchen is not something to be feared!
Well anyway. Years of subsisting on a diet of almost entirely prepared and pre-portioned meals left me not only afraid of my kitchen, but also incredibly lazy about cooking and clean up. I was a little bit apprehensive about switching to a diet of whole, unprocessed foods and fresh produce, insofar as the amount of time it would take to prepare and clean up afterward. On JC it's so easy; you just stick your nose in the freezer, grab a box, toss it in the microwave, and shake out a bowl of bagged salad: voilà, dinner. You don't have to think about it. And when you're ready to eat, you eat. There's no time spent preparing. And when you're done, the only thing to clean up is the salad bowl.

But I realized after a few weeks of preparing my food that in addition to adopting a healthier diet, there was another important benefit I hadn't considered: the time I spend preparing my food before eating it forces me to be mindful of what I'm putting in my body, to stay present during meal time. One of the symptoms of binge eating disorder is eating really quickly, and when I went to treatment for the disorder, I discovered that my tendency to plan a binge by buying immediately consumable foods (chips, cake, chocolates, fast food, etc.) was not all that unique to me. You don't want to think too much about what you're doing. You just have this compulsion that must be followed, this hollow feeling that you keep trying to fill, even after your stomach is sore from stuffing too much food into it.

Conclusion: Jenny Craig is not good for binge eaters
I think throwing a meal in a microwave and having it ready in 5 minutes may somehow unwittingly play in to that mentality. I hadn't ever considered it before, but I think that's another reason why Jenny Craig is not a long-term solution for me. It's more like a medication that treats the symptoms, even as it reinforces the behaviours that ultimately manifest in those symptoms.

Hunh.