Jan 24: Jenny Craig is stalking me.

I've been going to Jenny Craig off and on since 2002. Which is maybe why they are so reluctant to let me go as a customer. But I am stahtin' ta get irruhtated.

The thing about JC that drives me nuts is the out-of-the-box training that their "consultants" receive. I've had seven of them over the years and while I've really clicked with a couple of them and adjusted to a couple of them, I wound up quitting as a result of the other three. I mean, not just because of them; in all three cases, I was done with the regimen by the time I quit, but I might have toughed it out if I hadn't been so annoyed by the consultants.

I'm sure they get paid shit. The high degree of turnover would seem to suggest so. Whenever I get a new one, we go through a couple of months of them doing all these standard, stupid questions that I feel like an arse answering: "So, what's your motivation for this week?" Uhhh, the same as it was last week. Be less fat.

The other thing that makes me feel stupid answering the questions is, they write it all down. Like it fucking matters! Is anybody gonna check six months from now what my social calendar was last week, and how I planned to deal with the diversity pot luck at work on Wednesday? Or how many times I exercised? Who cares? Quit recording everything -- it's weird! Let's just have a conversation.

Also: they call you every week, without fail, to confirm your appointment a day or two before it's scheduled. Even if you have a standing appointment for the same time every week and have done for a couple of years. I remember, with my first two consultants, I lobbied long and hard (and ultimately fruitlessly) to get them to stop calling me to confirm; same time next week, I got it. It's obviously just drilled into them as standard operating procedure. And I don't think they're encouraged to think for themselves, use their own judgment, work with clients according to the client's needs as opposed to by the company handbook. It just made me feel like a number.

Don't let the back door hit you in the ass on your way sneaking out
Anyway, in the fall, one of my favourite consultants, Regina, decided to go to teacher's college, which is awesome for her. For me, not so much. In her place I got Mary Victoria. My resolve had already been waning, I was tired of the menu. And I didn't have it in me to break in a new consultant. She was nice enough, don't get me wrong, but so often when I was talking I felt like she was seeing right through me. So I stopped going in late October. I didn't tell her I was stopping. I had a bad week and skipped my appointment, and the bad week stretched into a bad month, and then two, and by then my weight was outrageous, and... whatever, I quit.

But Mary Victoria will NOT. STOP. CALLING ME! Seriously, I haven't been in for an appointment in three months and she still calls and leaves messages to say she's "just checking in". I never answer. I know I could clear the whole thing up and get her to stop calling if I just picked up the phone and told her I'm taking a break. But I mean, come on. Hasn't she figured that out by herself yet? I feel like there is an unspoken battle of wills going on here. Well... okay... she has spoken. At this point, I just feel that on principle I should not be forced to break my silence. Isn't the customer supposed to be always right? Even when it comes to their method of communication? I think choosing to not answer the phone or return a call for three straight months is an effective (if chickenshit) method of communicating that I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

Lately, when I get a call from her, I'm so pissed that she's still calling that I want to pick up the phone and totally lay into her. But then I remember the battle of wills. I am kinda curious to see how long she will drag this out.

I'll keep you posted.