May 18: A kinder, gentler race

Hello, broccoli florets!

I come baring news of– wait a second.... I come bearing news of disintegrating fat molecules and non-death-inducing marathon participation.

I didn't get weighed last week, but I did get back on the wagon. I gotta admit, it was tough. The first couple days I kept wanting to chuck everything and dive into a vat of Kraft Dinner and eat my way out. You would think after getting poisoned as a result of over-indulgence that I would steer clear of more poison, but the opposite happens: once the floodgates open, it's really hard to shut them again. So I had a few days of really struggling to hold temptation at bay. Some days I really, really miss eating everything in sight. Of course, when I'm in the throes of it, it is rarely as satisfying as I imagine it will be. Which is not to say it is not satisfying.

Anyway, this week's loss was .8, bringing the grand total to 21.6 pounds.

On Sunday, my mom and I did our annual half-marathon walk, and I have the contraband "proof" to show for it. I like the irony but also hope I don't get hunted down and sued by the folks who want me to pay $14.95 for that image, sans watermark. Anyway, it was our best walking time ever (3 hours, 38 minutes - we usually come in around 3:45ish). Possibly this was because we just wanted to get out of the drizzly, shitty weather. For my mom, the walk was just a warm-up: she is doing the full marathon walk in Ottawa at the end of the month. Go, Marathon Jan!!

Walking 21 kilometres is not exactly a punishing workout, but it does strain the joints, especially in the rainy cold. I recovered pretty quickly this year, though (especially compared to last fall, when I decided to run as much as I could, since my mom was out with a knee injury. It was a totally spontaneous decision that I paid for over the next week - rolling over in bed was painful for the first two days, and I think I probably looked like a city slicker after a cattle drive whenever I was forced to stand or walk.) I gotta give props to L-Mac2, who has signed up to run the half-marathon this fall in the Toronto Waterfront Marathon. Girl's got the bug for it. I went out for a 5k run with her and some folks from work last week and she gallantly stayed behind with me and encouraged me to finish the damn thing. Goddamn I hate running. I have no capacity for pain and suffering. And I wonder, why does there have to be pain and suffering?

May 10: POISONED!

Hello lovelorn flocks,

Sorry I didn't update you last week. I actually had a stellar week - another 1.8 pounds gone. The last three weeks have seen more weight loss (5.6 pounds) than I lost in the previous couple months, I think. I don't know - I think that our bodies maybe have natural comfort zones they like to stay in and I've finally moved past one? Yeah, I'm talking outta my ass again. Whatever, I'll take it.

So yesterday was a spectacular spring day. Not a cloud in the sky, warm but not yet punishing. I decided to pick up a bottle of wine on my way home to share with the Miaouw on the glorious balcony. I had 16 points left at the time, and reckoned I could drink 3 glasses (10 points) and still have room for some teeny tiny sandwiches on Weight Watchers bread. Either that or just pass out and sleep through dinner.

Well, we enjoyed ourselves and lost all restraint. We ate a frozen pizza and then the Miaouw ordered Pizza Pizza. (Pizza appetizer followed by pizza entrée: beautiful treachery.) I ate four pieces, plus had four breaded wings. I kept thinking I should stop at two pieces, but it tasted AMAZE-BALLS and I haven't had a crazy binge like that since January.

Key to getting back on the emaciated horse is tracking all of my evil-doings. It's good to have a moment of reckoning, a come-to-Oprah in which you take stock of what you've done, own it completely, forgive yourself and move on. If you don't admit to what you've done, you can't really move past it. And when I entered everything into the tracker this morning, I discovered that actually, the damage wasn't so terrible. I used up all of my extra weekly points, and just one of my activity points earned this week. Not bad. Not great, but I've done much worse.

Well anyway, after scarfing down that delicioush "food", I went to bed and tried to sleep. Haaaarrrible night. I had the night sweats, I tossed and turned, had to get up every couple hours and glug cold water... Yikes, I totally poisoned myself. This is part of the reckoning. It's good to know my body has gotten to a point of intolerance when it comes to all that fat and salt. I said to the Miaouw this morning that I wished there was some way to tap into this horrible food-hangover feeling before chowing down. Then I looked at the leftover pizza and thought, dang that looks good.

Ah well. I probably won't get weighed tomorrow. It won't be a real number - it'll take a couple days to get all this shit -- literally, ugh -- out of my system. I told the Miaouw there better not be any leftovers in the house when I get home from work tonight.

May 1: Thank god THAT's over

Greetings hero worshipers,

OY. This morning was the dreaded Sporting Life 10k run. Big shout out to the Ladies of the Cancer who all ran awesome times. Particularly proud of my girl L-Mac2, who really encouraged me to do the run, despite my lack of conditioning. She did amazing. Well, they all did. Me, on the other hand, not so much. I ran a saggy-assed 1:18:30, which is 11.5 minutes slower than last year. Sigh. Hard not to feel like a total schlep in the wake of it. I think I walked almost as much as I ran. It was a really tough slog. Trying my best to feel proud of the fact I went out and did it, despite my relative lack of training. I am a bit bummed though.

But the result has me determined to improve, which is a fantastic takeaway. I realize that I really need to have a race to work towards as a goal, to keep me running and trying to improve. So this summer I am going to see about running a few 5k races. There are tons to choose from. Try to get a faster time for a shorter distance. It's less painful and I think more achievable. All the while I will hope to continue losing weight, which should also improve my performance.

Speaking of continued weight loss, Wednesday's weigh in was awesome - another 1.8 pounds lost, which is pretty amazing, the week after a 2 pound loss. I was awarded the coveted 10% key chain for having lost 10% of my starting weight. What a glorious coppery glow it has! Apparently there are charms you get to add to it when you hit milestone numbers like 25 pounds or whatever, I guess to ensure you don't lose your motivation after having achieved this ultimate prize. SWEET!