Apr 23: Fresh numbrrrs!

It's the weekend! The long weekend! Ba-da-buh-buh-baaaah I'm lovin' it.

So as you know, I like to count. I know I'm always joking about how the numbers aren't important and it's all about healthy lifestyle blah blah tofucakes. But for me, the binge eating/ food obsessing thing is a compulsive behaviour. People use compulsive behaviours to cope with the big bad world when a more grounded, in-the-moment sort of approach may be beyond their reach. When I make efforts to rein myself in and cut out that compulsive behaviour, it makes sense that I would offset the loss by turning to another obsession, right? I'm not saying I'm obsessed per se. Just sayin: thus, the origins of the counting love.

With that said, I have many fresh numbers to report:

Pounds lost this week: TWO
Total pounds lost: 17.2

Measurements!
Chest - down 2, total loss: 3
Waist - down 0, total loss: 3
Hips - down 2, total loss: 4
Thigh - down 1, total loss: 1

Training!
Ran 5 miles in just under an hour yesterday on the wonky home treadmill. I don't know what the dillio is with this treadmill. It's an old donated thing that does this weird stoppy-starty thing that can throw your whole rhythm off. I always seem to run faster on it, but maybe I'm running slower and the speed settings are also wonky. Regardless, I ran for an hour. Next weekend is the 10k, so I'm feeling prepared. It's gonna hurt but it's gonna happen.

Rock on, I loves me some numbers. Happy long weekend everybody!

PS regarding the image: I did an image search for "fresh numbers" and this was my favourite image returned. Don't care non sequitur.

Apr 14: #spinning

Greetings rock stars from Mars avec Adonis DNA!

Great news! I gained .8 this week. Gah, jeez, right? Well I am okay with it. I mean, I don’t get it, but I’m okay with it. I stuck with the plan and I worked out 3 times. Okay, yes, there was that incident Friday night with the three quarters of a litre of TOLL HOUSE Cookie Dough with Brownie Chunks LOADED Frozen Dessert. Yikes they can’t even call it ice cream. Anyway, yes, I ate a lot of it. But I calculated my points and it was within the plan.

So, you know… eh. Sometimes you do everything you’re supposed to do and your body just doesn’t respond the way you expect or hope it will. I was saying to a friend yesterday that it’s like long term investments. You can’t let a bad week freak you out. If you stick with the plan, you’ll eventually see gains in your portfolio. Holy crap that metaphor just triggered a huge dividend in the irony stock. (FYI, I had to spend about ten minutes on Wikipedia figuring out how to phrase that joke. I’m putting everything into irony derivatives. Maybe?)

Anyway, when you have a week like this, you have to find your win somewhere other than the scale. Spin doctoring is an important skill in life and is transferable across pretty much every plane of existence. So the great news from this week was my ever-improving fitness. The night before the weigh-in, (the same day I posted the workout music blog), I went to the gym and ran for a full hour, the longest I’ve run in probably a year. Distance was 4.5 miles or around 7k. This is awesome work on my part and I am very encouraged by my progress. And that’s how you spin a .8 gain into a major victory!

Oh sure there will people who earnestly say “this is not spin doctoring, you really did win! It’s not about the scale, it’s about changing your life and being healthier and loving yourself and putting Post Its on every mirror in your house telling you how fantastic you are”. Bless them! These sweet, well-meaning people are champion spinners and I tip my hat to them as they are #winning the life game, unquestionably! I think I would need to offload a huge chunk of my blue chip irony and dispense with my cynicism treasuries altogether to make that investment worthwhile.

Apr 12: Music to train for a 10k to

Hello bottom (of the fridge) feeders (i.e. the crisper)!

How’s everybody’s mood? Myself, I’m feeling pretty okay. The weather is starting to warm up, verrrrry gradually. More sunshine, more daylight = more energy and more optimism.

So I have been back in the gym for the last three weeks. Generally 3 times a week, sometimes only twice. I am trying to get in shape enough to run the 10 k on May 1, but I am running out of time. Okay, I am jogging, walking and wheezing out of time. We’ll see.

Yesterday I was on the treadmill for just 10 minutes and I knew it wasn’t my day. Horrible shin-splints. I finished the mile I was running and opted for 20 minutes on the elliptical and then 25 more on the bike, then walked the half hour home. Today I will try for much better results. Last week I was up to running 5 and 1s (five minutes running, one minute walking break). Longest distance thus far has only been 3.75 miles (10 k is 6.2 miles). I was hoping to increase the run-cycle duration by one minute each week, but I’m not feeling ready to go to 6 yet. Also need to increase the duration of the run, obviously. I've been trying to do 80 mins of cardio - supplement whatever I do in running with time on the bike. Not the same, but it's a process.

So I don’t know what kind of pace I’m going to stumble through in two weeks’ time. Last year I finished at 1:07 (1:09 the first year). I think I’d consider it GREAT work if I could do’er in 1:15 this year, but will settle for under 1:20. Hell, I will “settle” for finishing the damn thing. I will be about 15 pounds heavier this year than I was last year when I ran it, plus way more out of shape. So, no big expectations.

At the gym, I have forsaken the television in favour of music as my motivational accompaniment of choice. The television is great when you are in shape and just need a distraction from the mindless minutes you are looking to rack up. When it’s a struggle to make it through your allotted 3, 4, 5 minute run-cycle before you get to a walk break, music can be a saving grace.

I’ve got a playlist on my iPod nano called “Working out”. Some of the songs are just ones I really like; not necessarily all crazy high energy dance beat stuff. Definitely no fucking Rihanna (sorry mom) (because of the cursing, not because my mom's a fan of Rihanna. Er, are you?) Eh… eh… eh… Oh… oh… oh… Ella… ella… ella… PUNCH… PUNCH… PUNCH…

Anyway, I copied down the list of songs. It’s kind of a random list of crap that was on my iPod. Far from comprehensive. They are sorted alphabetically by artist. I marked the ones that really get me moving, mouthing the words and nodding my head stupidly.

Please submit your fave songs to give you the extra jolt you need when working out!

"Poison Arrow" - ABC
"The Look of Love" - ABC
"Freedom of Speech" - Above the Law
"Thunderstruck" - ACDC
"Back in the Saddle" - Aerosmith
"Grass" - Animal Collective
"Sk8er Boi" - Avril Lavigne
"Kick Out the Jams" - Bad Brains & Henry Rollins
"Where's Your Head At?" - Basement Jaxx
"She's Crafty" - Beastie Boys
"No Sleep Til Brooklyn" - Beastie Boys
"Annie Waits" - Ben Folds
"Gone" - Ben Folds
"Army" - Ben Folds Five
"Let's Get It Started" - Black Eyed Peas
"One Way or Another" - Blondie
"Aberdeen" - Cage the Elephant
"Lovefool" - The Cardigans
"Iron Man" - The Cardigans
"Fuck You" - Cee-Lo Green
"Should I Stay or Should I Go" - The Clash
"Rock the Casbah" - The Clash
"Low" - Cracker
"Boys Don't Cry" - The Cure
"The Love Cats" - The Cure
"Livin' Thing" - Electric Light Orchestra
"Turn To Stone" - Electric Light Orchestra
"Sweet Talkin' Woman" - Electric Light Orchestra
"Bennie and the Jets" - Elton John
"Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting" - Elton John
"Best Of My Love" - The Emotions
"Fast As You Can" - Fiona Apple
"Dog Days Are Over" - Florence & The Machine
"This is a Call" - Foo Fighters
"Best of You" - Foo Fighters
"Hard to Beat" - Hard-Fi
"Stars of CCTV" - Hard-Fi
"Striptease" - Hawksley Workman
"Clever Not Beautiful" - Hawksley Workman
"Positive Jam" - The Hold Steady
"The Swish" - The Hold Steady
"Chips Ahoy!" - The Hold Steady
"You Can Make Him Like You" - The Hold Steady
"Stuck Between Stations" - The Hold Steady
"Stay Positive" - The Hold Steady
"Start Making Sense" - Hot Panda
"Closer to Fine" - Indigo Girls
"I Make the Dough, You Get the Glory" - Kathleen Edwards
"I Kissed a Girl" - Katy Perry
"Today I Hate Everyone" - The Killjoys
"Supernova" - Liz Phair
"Salesmen, Cheats & Liars" - The Lowest of the  Low
"Eternal Fatalist" - The Lowest of the  Low
"Bleed A Little While Tonight" - The Lowest of the  Low
"Henry Needs a New Pair of Shoes" - The Lowest of the  Low
"Nervous Breakthrough" - Luscious Jackson
"Bucky Done Gun" - M.I.A.
"Galang" - M.I.A.
"Montreal -40C" - Malajube
"Sick Of Myself" - Matthew Sweet
"Combat Baby" - Metric
"Succexy" - Metric
"Bourgeouis Shangri-La" - Miss Li
"Float On" - Modest Mouse
"Paper Thin Walls" - Modest Mouse
"Use It" - The New Pornographers
"All For Swinging You Around" - The New Pornographers
"The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism" - The New Pornographers
"Letter From An Occupant" - The New Pornographers
"Supersonic" - Oasis
"Rome" - Phoenix
"Debaser" - Pixies
"Under Pressure" - Queen
"Don't Walk Away Eileen" - Sam Roberts
"Love Song" - Sara Bareilles
"Tell 'Em" - Sleigh Bells
"Six Months in a Leaky Boat" - Split Enz
"Pulling Mussels (From The Shell)" - Squeeze
"Tempted" - Squeeze
"Lola Stars and Stripes" - The Stills
"You Only Live Once" - The Strokes
"Your Favorite Thing" - Sugar
"Slack Motherfucker" - Superchunk
"Army Bound" - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
"Some Beginner's Mind" - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
"Shake The Sheets" - Ted Leo & the Pharmacists
"Big Sur" - The Thrills
"Highly Evolved" - The Vines
"Outtathaway" - The Vines
"Hash Pipe" - Weezer
"The Hardest Button to Button" - The White Stripes
"A Shot in the Arm" - Wilco
"Ship of Fools" - World Party

Apr 8: Plate licker

Are you one? On a scale of one to ten, how gross is it to do this? I have a hard time letting a plate go that still has anything on it, even sauce. I just ate my Lean Cuisine cheese cannelloni here at work and of course I used my index finger to scoop up the remains and licked my finger clean. Oh, you think, that's not as bad as actually licking the plate. I did that this morning. After I finished my cottage cheese with jam and orange sections.

I sometimes forget my surroundings. We're in this new open concept office, and I had the bowl to my face with my tongue out when I realized I might not be alone. Gah. I looked around and I don't think anybody saw. Then a couple minutes ago I caught myself again.

I don't know. Is this really offside behaviour? Do I need to stifle, in case somebody catches me in flagrante delectable? I hope not. When food is restricted, the unit value of each morsel increases significantly in value. I would buy that mutual fund.

I think it's fine to do this at home. In fact, if you don't run the dishwasher every day, which is the case in our household of two, you don't have plates with crud hardening on them. Efficient.

Apr 7: Slow and starving wins the weigh-in

Well hello there, waist-wasters!

How’s everything going? I mean seriously. Would it kill you to call? The only person I hear from anymore is my friggin cat, and she just comes on here to post links to bizarre non sequitur youtubes. (Which are awesome.)

Alright, I’m done begging. So, I had an excellent week on the scales: lost 2.2 pounds this week. That’s like, a month’s worth of work at my current rate of progress. Guess I can just rest on my laurels for the rest of April now.

The thing is, I weighed myself on my wretched home scale yesterday morning and was utterly deflated to see that my weight had gone up this week. UP! I mean, okay, I said I was going to run (yog) 3-4 times this week and I only ended up going twice. But those times I went, I really gave’r, and I watched my fucking points (sorry mom) and there’s just no reason why I should have gained weight. And okay, if this were a blip, a one-time thing, I could perhaps be a little more relaxed and a little less italicized, but MY BODY WILL NOT LET GO OF THE FAT.

So, I was pissed. I decided desperate measures were called for: I dressed in my least weighty outfit (a t-shirt and my featherweight skirt), which is a pain in the arse when I walk to work because it’s so light that it rides up my thighs and I’m constantly pulling it down self-consciously. I could have taken the subway but I was looking to make up extra activity wherever I could. At work, I decided to forego any food or drink until post-weigh-in. I know, I know. It’s stupid, to put so much stock in a number that you have to use artificial means to manipulate. What can I say. I was desperate for good news, or at least not bad news.

So all morning I was sluggish and depressed. Anticipating another shitty result, plus no caffeine, plus I’m getting tired of the project I’ve been managing at work for six months. So noon comes round and I trudge off to the DubDub meeting with L-Mac², confessing my silly antics to her, which she laughed about in a very supportive and understanding fashion. Get on the scale and… WHAT THE! Down 2.2 pounds?! Wow. Who knew breakfast and a DDP weighs 2 pounds? (The other .2 was obviously taken care of with my nearly-naked wardrobe stylings, plus a half hour walk to work, I’m sure.)

Okay, as the warlocks say, "duh", this is obviously not a result based on skipping breakfast. I’m saying, my scale, she done me wrong. Maybe I shaved an extra half pound off with my morning neuroses, possibly a pound. Whatever, I’ll take it. Of course this introduces next week’s big dilemma: do I repeat this ridiculousness to ensure an accurate measurement from one week to the next? Or do I grow up and stop pulling stupid desperate acts of starvation and crankiness towards my co-workers and the world in general?

Wow, what a cliffhanger. For sure you’ll be tuning in next week to find out.