So last night I was due for a run. I almost didn't go, but that's pretty typical. Sometimes I think that getting myself downstairs for a run is all about waiting for an opening in mood traffic. There are certain breaks in the steady stream of laziness that periodically present themselves in an evening, and if you don't step on the gas right then and there, you're gonna be stuck on the couch for the rest of the night.
Anyway, I made my way downstairs and figured I'd run for half an hour or so, and do some light weights, and just feel good about the fact I went at all, rather than push myself to do a lengthy run.
Well I got to the fitness room, and there was a guy in there already. He was adjusting the TV so that it faced the treadmill. Nuts. I asked him if he was using the treadmill and he said "No". I'm like, really? Okay. I took him at his word, and went about my business. I started up the treadmill, which is pretty loud, and suggested he might want to turn up the volume. He was watching Ultimate Fighting Champions or something. And he was standing RIGHTNEXT to me. He said no, no, and then he gestured toward a woman in the hallway who was on the phone, which to me seemed to indicate that he was waiting for her, and wouldn't be there long? I don't know. I shrugged and got on with my run.
Minutes passed. And yet more minutes. I was having a decent run - averaging 5.5 mph (I've been trying to gradually get my average running speed up, as much as my heart and lungs can take, anyway). I kept looking out at the woman on the phone and willing her to shut the eff up and get off the phone so this guy standing RIGHTNEXT to me watching UFC while I huffed and puffed and produced a downpour of sweat (should have shook myself out like a dog) would LEAVE ALREADY. I delayed my walking break for as long as I felt okay about it - after 2 miles, most of it run at 5.5 mph, I slowed down for a break. Actually, I pushed myself a lot longer than I have in the past when running that speed, mostly out of some sort of resentment of this guy's presence. I don't know.
Anyway, after around half an hour, the woman hung up and wandered down the hall - didn't look into the fitness room to summon the guy next to me or anything, and he didn't budge. He's standing there, just watching TV, RIGHTEFFINGNEXT to me. FUCK! I started to wonder if maybe he DID want to use the treadmill and was just too polite to say so? Which bugged me! I don't know, maybe I should have felt bad, but instead I was irritated. So I just kept running, to spite the guy. I'm such an asshole. But hey man, that's how I roll.
It turned into an epic battle of wills. I'm sorry to say that eventually, I caved. But I ran for 53 minutes instead of 30, powered by spite. And then I took my time doing my warm down and stretches, and all the while, this guy continued standing next to the treadmill, watching UFC. I'd considered sticking around to do some weights, just to see if he would eventually climb on the treadmill, or would be too embarrassed to do so after pretending he didn't want to use it, but I decided I was crazy and at some point, there had to be a victor. So I let him win. Sort of. I mean, what the hell?
Meh. Whatever works, baby!
I'm disappointed you didn't shake your sweat on him. What's happened to you?
ReplyDeleteI love this, and I love Chico's suggestion, too. I would have done it if I were you. Well, maybe not. But I admire your guts and Chico's sense of the absurd.
ReplyDeleteIf only we had the irony mark available in normal text, then I could end on some appropriately zingy comment. Ah well.
Chico, I don't know, man. I'm supposed to be getting hard, not soft. Next time I'm gonna flex my menacing arm humps at him.
ReplyDeleteDiane, yeah, that Chico is truly absurd؟
I just found that thing somewhere and copy/pasted it. I love the irony mark too. I think the simpering winkie is the modern-day equivalent but I usually can't bring myself to use it, and generally just have to risk possibly offending people who don't get the irony.
(I sure hope Chico wasn't offended؟!)
But I didn't mean to say Chico himself is absurd. I was referring erroneously to his sense of the absurdity of life, the theatre of the absurd.....and now as I write about it, I realize what he suggested was just funny. It wasn't about existentialism (of which the theatre of the absurd is one manifestation). Ah well. Chico, please forgive me, if that came out the wrong way. Linnyqat, forgive me, too.
ReplyDeletehugs
(but no irony mark)
D
No, I got your meaning - I inserted the irony mark just to show I was being silly!
ReplyDeleteIt's that teeny tiny backwards question mark.
؟
Hee hee! Ironically, I fear the irony mark may not be as helpful to us as we had hoped!!!
PS also, Chico is in fact absurd
ReplyDeleteOh, I know what the irony mark is, I am just angry and about to go campaigning to make it a normal part of American lexography.
ReplyDeleteBut as for Chico, we should be nice to him anyway, right? Plus, for your own sake, wasn't he among those who witnessed a famous moment in blogdom involving, eh, a cocktail napkin?
(And for that, I want an irony mark!!!)
xox
Chico? CHICO??
ReplyDeleteHe is absurd. Where'd he get CHICO??? LOL
Diane, Oh, I should have known you were in the know. Hey, if you start a petition be sure to send it my way. I am all for re-introducing the irony mark.
ReplyDeleteRe Chico witnessing the infamous moment with the cocktail napkin... I, uh... no comment.
Dylan, oh thre's a whole story there. I think it has something to do with his name (he goes by his middle name). But you'd have to ask him. Just don't mention anything about the cocktail napkin incident, or then I'll have to kill you both.
Heh. I like this.
ReplyDelete(B)Patti
My freakin trainer read this and next thing you know, he's employing spite tactics - making me do 15 reps instead of 12, etc.
ReplyDeleteGo Derek!!!
ReplyDeleteHeh!!
I'm so glad you explained the irony mark, as I had no clue what you were talking about. I'm not offended in the least.
ReplyDelete