Well anyway, if the birthday derailment happened only once a year, it would be fine, but the truth is, I allow myself to get pretty lax on the weekends and I'm sure that's slowing me down considerably. But then again, I remember three months ago when I was a lot more diligent with my diet and I was frustrated by my slow progress. More frustrated, really because I felt like I was doing everything right and still not getting results.
In my birthday blog, I talked a bit about accepting my demons rather than struggling against them. I guess I sort of feel like that about it. Progress not perfection and all that bestsellerselfhelpspeak. Of course, I'm never completely comfortable with the acceptance business because I am mindful of using this touchy-feely accept myself thing as an excuse to give in to unhealthy habits and feel alright about it. But then when I type that, I think, what's wrong with wanting to feel alright, anyway?
Ultimately this inner dialogue is just a distraction. I know what's good for me and what's not good for me, and I know that occasional indulgences are fine; binges are not. I also know that I'm not done with binge behaviour, and while I am reducing the frequency of the episodes, I still need to be able to forgive myself and move on and not wallow and spiral just because I let the demons have their way when it happens.
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You are amazing! What a wonderful, healthy perspective!
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, even if the number hasn't changed, you're still exercising consistently and so your body is changing shape, it just might not change how much it weighs.
Rock on, Sistah!
Possible bike ride to work for me today...newish bike so not sure I want to experiment by riding to work, but on the other hand, why not?
So, did you ride your bike?
ReplyDeleteFor sure, the fitness thing is what keeps me going and motivates me to not give up on slowly but surely trimming the fat. Happily, I am not in any hurry to lose the weight. The Miaouw growls appreciatively at my curves and life is pretty content. But I do love the feeling of a good, hard work out too.
PS I'm 149 again this morning (but who's counting, obsessively).
ReplyDeleteHey Linnyqat,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dylan, who points out the fact that you're still exercising, and that the important thing is overall fitness and health, not what the scale says. You may still weigh 150 pounds, but you can run 10k, which you could not. I'm sure there are a host of other things you can now do that you could not before. And, if I may insert a "should" here, those are the things you should focus on.
Of course, I'm never completely comfortable with the acceptance business because I am mindful of using this touchy-feely accept myself thing as an excuse to give in to unhealthy habits and feel alright about it. But then when I type that, I think, what's wrong with wanting to feel alright, anyway?
There's nothing wrong with Feeling All Right (just ask Dave Mason of Traffic), and there's nothing wrong with indulging in cake around your birthday; you can have your cake and eat it, too, (to coin a phrase). As long as you don't slip over into cognitive dissonance territory, whereby you touchy-feely your way back into old bad habits. But it sounds like that's not where you're at.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've come a long way, and you have tangible evidence of your progress, despite your weekend excesses, or birthday binges. On the whole, you're better now than you were, and you're continuing to improve.
Ditto Dylan's "rock on," (though with apologies to the Karate Kid, I'll add, "rock off").
Cheers,
-Jazz-
Lindsay, I've been meaning to read your blog for an embarrassing-long time.
ReplyDeleteThat's the viciousness of snacking, it's so easy & quick to eat, so hard to get rid of those calories. I usually try to think about how far I'd have to run or bike to get rid of it.
One site shows a medium Croissant w/ butter (57gm), to be 230cals, a good approximation. Three would be about 700.
For me, that's a 7 mile run which would take an hour. Suddenly, I find that snack seems a bit distasteful.
Keep it up, don't be discouraged! Even if your weight hasn't changed, you're probably eating better, getting physically stronger, improving cardiovascularly, and building new healthy habits.
Jazzy-san, it's true, I'm definitely in a better, healthier, dare I say happier place now than I was back in January. Part of that is the confidence that comes with knowing how much fitter I am, the accomplishment of having completed the 10k, still being at it 6 months later. Another part of it has to do with having a greater sense of control. When I spiral into the "cognitive dissonance" territory you refer to (nice), it isn't just the miserable knowledge of where all those obsessively consumed calories are going that throws me; it's the feeling that I am powerless or helpless in the face of my addiction. Feeling like a victim is no way to live.
ReplyDeleteTodd! Hey man, thanks for dropping by and saying encouraging stuff! For sure, I am overall improved, doing my best not to feel discouraged - some days I slip, but most of the time, like I said in the blog, I am getting better at forgiving myself and moving on.
Being mindful in the moment of what an indulgence is going to cost me in sweat later on is not one of my strong suits. But for sure, spending six months trying to undo what was carelessly done in a few months of excess behaviour is a good motivator. I can't take it off as fast as I used to, that's for sure.
Thanks again for stopping by, I truly appreciate your support.