Jul 13: Recommitted and it feels so good

It's been roughly six months since I started this blog. I've lost between 10 and 15 pounds, depending when you ask, which is... well, let's face it, not outstanding. On the other hand, I've also run a 10k and I do cardio usually 3-5 times a week, with hour long strength training sessions twice a week, which I can and do consider to be very good, possibly outstanding. I am not really any closer to vanquishing the binge eating habits that have dogged me for most of my adult life, but I am better at accepting my shortcomings and not hating myself for them.

I think it's time for a re-jiggering. Last week the wheels came off the bus a bit. I've been injured (some sort of recurring issue with my left calf - I am going to see a physiotherapist about it, since my benefits package at work covers $500/yr for physio), so I've been slacking a bit on the exercise (haven't run in 2 weeks, though I've done some cardio at the gym). And I've been resentful about not getting to eat anything and everything that strikes my fancy.

So last week I said, okay, have what you fancy. Get it out of your system. Gain a few pounds. And then next week, we begin again, in earnest. Here I am now, raring to go (despite the lingering ache in my left calf; I shall not let it deter me).

My commitment to myself includes the following pledges:

• do the 10 minute abs video every day


• exercise six days a week - aim for 500-600 calories burned in a session


• STOP TAKING THE WHOLE WEEKEND OFF!!!


• start reading labels again and avoid lots of preservatives and junk, especially artificial sweeteners – I think if I stop consuming so much sugar, I will stop craving it so much


• make a video once a week


• sign up for Toronto Island 10k Run, happening Sep 20


• lose 10 pounds before Toronto Island Run


• make out with myself every day, no matter my size

Some of those goals will be tougher than others but I know I am up for it. One of the things that has really been slowing me down is taking the weekends off. I think my compromise from now on will be, on ONE day of the weekend, I can have A meal off. Not the whole day off. We'll see how that goes.

Okay, to kick the whole thing off, a fresh viddie, featuring killer guitar solo! Plus an invitation to any and all to step forward and have yourselves committed! Just sign up in the comments section - we'll keep each other accountable and honest and encouraged and supported.

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down...

GO CRAZY!

May 6: video highlights from Sporting Life 10k run

Hi guys!

Okay, I finally finished the damn video. I mean, the blessed video. One thing I didn't really explain in the video is the lack of footage of me finishing. (I kind of explained it already in my last blog when I mentioned the Miaouw's epic battle with the TTC...)

Anyway, yeah, my cameraman was unable to get to the finish line in time, what with my lightening fast speed combined with the epic fail of Toronto's public transit system on Sunday mornings. I felt so bad about that; after he'd made certain he could be here for the race and everything. Well, his presence here all week was wonderful and we had a blast and I was so grateful to have him here. He is making noises about joining me for the Toronto Island 10k run in September. Cool!

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, here's the viddie!

Apr 26: weekly results viddie, featuring LOLA!

Hello faithful handful!

I had a lazy day with the Miaouw today. Had planned to do a run tonight but... didn't. Oh well. I made a new video for you anyway.

My thoughts are consumed with the Sporting Life 10k run next weekend. I'm nervous that I'm gonna suck out loud. I mean, I know, I know, it doesn't matter what my time is, at least I'm doing it, blah blah justificationcakes. I know that whatever happens this year will just be a starting point to measure my progress against in years to come. I think it's a good idea to think of it that way, as a multi-year plan, looking forward to sustaining an active lifestyle instead of just adopting it for a short period of time in an effort to lose weight.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to running outside (I always feel like I'm hurrying somewhere, like I'm late and panicky, instead of just settling into a rhythm, like I do on the treadmill), but I'll commit to doing at least this one run every year, and trying to improve my time. I may never try to run for a longer distance, who knows, but I will definitely continue to run after next weekend. I like the challenge, and I like pushing myself to better my numbers every week. For awhile I was running at 5 mph (which, who are we kidding, has technically got to be classified as a jog). Lately I push it up to 5.5 mph and see how long I can sustain that speed. Then when I run at "just" 5 mph, I feel like I can go for a lot longer before I need to rest.

I've decided that a time of 80 minutes next Sunday would be outstanding, but I would be happy with 85. If I come in past 90, I will have suffered out there. I did run 5 miles (8 km) in one hour on the treadmill, a week and a half ago. I don't know if I can do that kind of time running outside. We shall see. Fun! Well, thinking about it now is fun, and reflecting on it when it's over will be. I don't expect the run itself will be too, too fun. I think it will be something to endure and to feel powerful and accomplished about as soon as it's over.

Apr 23: The Prodigal Returns (with new viddie!)

Ummm... hello?

Anybody still here??

Let me just dust off the keyboard and wipe away the cobwebs. Sorry I've been gone so long! Not sure exactly what happened there. A bit of laziness, a bit of diminished focus and engagement in the process, a lack of faith that people are still reading this... stuff like that.

But I do know from some of you that people are still reading (THANKS, you're the best) and wondering how I'm doing, and even looking to this blog to kick-start your own focus and engagement in the process, which kinda blows my mind. I LOVE US!!!

So, I took a few days off the eating right thing, and I took about a week off of the regular exercise business. Went up about 2.5 pounds. Frickin jeez, you know? It takes like, a month to lose that weight and it comes back on in a week. Gah. But actually, as of yesterday morning, I had managed to get the extra pounds offa me again, so maybe it was just a lot of water hanging around from all the salty badness. I will do an official weigh-in video this weekend, but yesterday morning my weight was 151.5.

Okay, I will blog more this week, about important and/or random topics. It's 4:45 in the a.m. right now so... what the eff am I doing up? Answer: I went to bed at 9 because I was fried and now my sleep schedule's all mucky. Added bonus: rambly blog.

Mar 31: Attitude is everything

Hey gang,

Whaddya know, another video! I was feeling so good last night I decided to counter the sad little greenface viddie with something a little more upbeat.

I've been really trying hard not to let the lack of obvious markers of my progress bother me or derail me in my efforts. Some days have been better than others. And of course, when there are added life stresses like a cornholio boss at work, the challenge is even greater.

But yesterday at lunch I was watching some YouTube videos. I have been meaning to talk a little bit about the weight loss community on YouTube. I'm not too integrated - there just are not enough hours in the day to keep up with work, fitness, my current online community, and apathy (the biggest timesuck of them all), so joining another community would stretch me a bit thin. (Except... that pun is hardly apt.) Anyway. I do subscribe to a few YouTubers, and one of them is this crazy guy Greggers. He does fun stuff with his video software - I'd like to learn how to do some of the crazy stuff he does. He has an unfailing positive attitude, and I think I just felt inspired by that yesterday. Something just clicked for me, and I pulled out of the funk and got back to funky. Had an awesome run and am looking forward to more gym time tonight.

If you want to check out any of Greggers' videos, here's the link to his YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/thesiegster

And now, a positive video, brought to you by the always upbeat Craig Finn and his band, The Hold Steady:

Mar 29: New video and checking in

Hi kiddies,

I've been slowing down in my blogging here, and have definitely been a bit... erm, slovenly in responding to your kind comments. I will do better. I think a big part of it is my struggle to get through this plateau or whatever it is. I'm trying not to get downcast about how slowly my body is reacting to all the exercise and such. It is really great news about dropping 4% in body fat. In fact the difference in poundage was only 3 pounds weight loss (which... grrrr!!!) and yet I am obviously a much leaner... or perhaps, less fatter...er... person. To drop 4% of body fat with just 3 pounds lost means I must be acquiring muscle mass. So, I gotta focus on that and just stay the course.

I weighed myself again this morning: 153, or maybe 153.5. Last week I was 154, and then 154.5, so I guess this is good news. Except that, it tells me that the weight gain last week wasn't just water or a blip of some kind, because I'm now just back to where I was two weeks ago. Oh well, whatever. It's not a race.

Anyway, I did a video on Friday night, expressing my frustration. I did it in greenface. No offense intended to the green community.

Thanks for continuing to cheer me on!

Mar 19: mid-week viddie!

Shot on location! This is me, catching up the YouTube crowd on what you all heard here first: I ate my face off on Sunday. Nice change of scenery for y'all, including distressing full body shot, all jiggly and such, for prolonged period. I am Iron Man!

In other related news, last night was my final intro session with Derek, my trainer (a.k.a. "Master Pain"). We had a nice long chat/consultation, and I re-upped for six months with him. I will now be seeing him for one hour sessions twice a week (previously half an hour) and watching whatever sweet income surplus my promotion in November hath wrought dwindle away. Oh well, it's worth it. I am focussed on achieving this goal.

Anyway, feast your eyes...

Mar 15: grocery viddie

Hi gang! For your viewing pleasure (except poor Mom), a new video. I know I owe you a weigh-in viddie, plus responses to your most recent comments (always, always appreciated) - I will try to have that baby up tonight.

Meantime, I recorded this yesterday and had to cut a ton of it out to get it under 10 minutes. Yikes! Sorry. Anyway, the YouTube dieting community (some time I will blog about this unexpected benefit of posting my weekly weigh-in viddies...) do these "grocery haul" videos that I find are really interesting and helpful in terms of getting new ideas for healthy eating, so I decided to do one of my own.

And now, I am going out for an epic walk. It is 9 degrees out there! Which is 48 in American. And it is, as they say, a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiney day. Later kiddies!

Mar 9: new viddie!

Hiya! I have a new video. It's really long; sorry about that. I had to cover a bunch of stuff, including measurements, weigh in, a very special shout out, and the 10 k announcement for the YouTube community.



For my video challenged mom:

lost another pound
chest: down 1.5" this month (down total 2.5")
waist: down 2" this month (down total 3")
hips: down /75" this month (down total 1.75")
thigh: no change (down total .5")

Feb 25: week 8 weigh-in viddie, finally!

Hey everybody, sorry for the wait. Sunday night I was doing an epic liveblog chat during the Oscars, Monday night I was beat, and last night I was all set to finish the damn thing and my boyfriend called and we spent several hours on the phone. Priorities!

So anyway, things are going well this week. I am still struggling with the "menu fatigue" business, but I am really focussed on exercise (last night I ran 2.5 miles / 4km without stopping once for a walking rest!) and it's definitely keeping me in the game.

Best news of the week
This morning someone at work asked if I'd lost weight. Wheeeeee!!!




Postscript for my mom: hi mom! My mother has technical issues that somehow preclude her from viewing the videos. So from now on, I will also provide a recap of how much weight I've lost. Bonus this week: screencaps showing before/after thus far.

This week's weight loss: .5 pounds
Total weight loss: 8.5 pounds
Current weight: 157

Feb 16: The numbers game (plus viddie)

This week's weigh in is at best inconclusive. The scale is a cruel, mysterious mistress. As you'll see from the viddie below. This isn't exactly a news flash, but pinning your motivation to the numbers on the scale is a slippery slope. The scale giveth, and it taketh away. And the other way around.

Anyway, I am trying to re-work that habit, by understanding that eating right, exercising, not putting toxic gunk in my body is its own reward, and that I shouldn't feel entitled to a numeric reward on the scale. And that if the number on the scale doesn't move, or worse, goes up, it doesn't mean the effort to live well is wasted.

On the other hand, I think the numbers game is helpful when it comes to progress in the gym. The cardio machines are tedious, but they have so many numbers you can watch and obsess over to push yourself to go a little bit longer past your comfort zone: they track calories, distance, time, intensity... between all those sets of numbers, it's easy to go just a little further to achieve a nice round number in one category (say, "I'll run 'til I've burned 200 calories"), and then the next category needs to be rounded up ("I'll go 'til I've hit a mile") and then the next ("once I hit 15 minutes I'll rest")... and before you know it, the first category needs a new round number.

Anyway, with respect to this week's weigh in, yes, I was exasperated. But I spent some time thinking today about how good it felt to run for 33 minutes yesterday, for 2.5 miles. I felt as though I could have gone on. It doesn't really matter that much what the scale says. My body is getting stronger. I accept the fact my metabolism is not going to do me any favours, and that the fat is very reluctant to give up its winter home. Or at least, I'm trying to accept it. I'm glad I'm treating my body more reverently, anyway. It makes it easier to look on these curves with tenderness and acceptance.

Feb 8: week 6 viddie is up

Hello faithful handful!

Okay, results are in and the question remains: what the fizzuck does a body have to do to rev up the gee-dee metabolism? Pull a Benjamin Button? Ah well. The good news is, after five weeks of a healthy diet, I am not feeling deprived and/or longing for garbage food. And I am losing weight at a slow but steady pace.

I was in the shower earlier this week and I looked down at my hip and had an intense visual of that old saying, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips". I thought about all the sugar and fried gunk and stuff with no food value whatsoever that I have shoveled into my yap over the years, and saw it racing through my veins in search of a home, plunking itself down on the outer reaches of my ass, like fat cell pioneers. Those fat cells really like it there. They are squatters that will have to be evicted through the unpleasant act of squatting, it seems.

Feb 7: New measurements viddie!

Hey, check it out! I'm shrinking...aaaggaghhhghh!!!

Feb 1: week 5 weigh in viddie is up

The suspense is over! Behold.

Jan 29: I joined a gym and I liked it

It's been a really tough week. January sucks ass, n'est-ce pas? I've been struggling to keep it together, with fair to middling results. I'm incredibly sensitive right now. I have to avoid animal shelter commercials and Biggest Loser ousters or it's dwibble, dwibble all down my face. Yesterday at work... oh, god, so humiliating... I cried in front of my boss. Ugh. About nothing. I mean, not nothing, but not something cry-worthy.

I went home and cocooned and cried some more, and this morning I woke up resolved not to be such a pussy. Winter sucks, but it's not like this is my first. Work is just work. I can't let it get under my skin this much. I need to take control, rather than let it control me. So after work, I strode purposefully up Yonge Street and walked right up to the 6'4" 22 year old buffboy and said, "I'm wanna join the gym." Exhilarating.

I wrote a song about it for all of you:

Jan 25: week 4 weigh in viddie is up!

Featuring adorable human-pwning cameo by Lola...

Jan 19: Who wants to be a reality YouTube star

My original concept for this diary was to do it entirely on YouTube, as video blogs. (Freakin' YouTube calls them "vlogs", which sounds like a Klingon word or similar dorkspeak.) I recorded the first few clips and discovered that it takes for freakin ever to edit these things (I am still getting the hang of Apple's iMovie software) and also, I am not as naturally, spontaneously hilarious and interesting as I had once thought. Video is a cruel, unforgiving medium. You have no idea until you see yourself and all your rolls, rambling, muttering, stuttering, etc.

I decided I could not subject the audience to such torture, nor did I want to spend all of my time sitting on my ass making videos about my weight loss journey as opposed to getting some effin exercise, dig? So instead, I will provide you all with regular video updates, like weigh ins, measurements, maybe the odd field trip if I get a digicam.

You can find my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/linnyqat, or just hang out here and I'll host any new videos as I create them. To wit:

Week 1 weigh-in:


Measurements:



Week 2 weigh-in: