Aug 17: Life on Atkins

So I've been on the Atkins plan for a week and a half now and I gotta say... LOVING IT! Before I go any further (and this is not because I think y'all are gonna sue me or anything), I want to say that I am still considering this an experiment, I am not endorsing it as a magic cure or advocating it as a solution for everyone or for anyone other than me, and even for me, who knows. I'm just saying, I feel awesome.

Here's what's working for me:

No sugar or bread/pasta cravings
I don't find I am missing out on processed carbs like bread and pasta and potatoes. Once in a while (usually after a meaty kinda meal) I think something sweet would be nice, but I don't feel dogged by cravings. Of course, it's early times yet. There is a theory that the less sugar you eat, the less you crave it, and I think that's true, but I don't know if that theory accounts for the psychological or emotional cravings that come later, and may be related to feelings of deprivation, or maybe other stuff going on in your life that's not related to diet and eating. It's early times. So we'll see if it holds. But for now, I feel very satisfied on this eating plan.

Chewing (and swallowing) the fat
I think one thing that is making a difference is not having to hide from fat. Food that is prepared with fats like butter, olive oil or... dare I suggest... bacon grease - it tastes way better. So I am not feeling deprived, I am feeling the opposite. I've never eaten so much cheese in my life! I have four kinds in my fridge right now! It's unbelievable!

Ketosis is keeping me honest
Also working for me: in order for the Atkins approach to work, you can't really "cheat" or have a few extras here and there, the way I have in the past with low fat, calorie reduced diets. The whole point of cutting down so drastically on your carbohydrate intake is to cause your metabolism to switch from burning glucose as its primary fuel source (once carbs are ingested, the body converts them to glucose and uses it as fuel; excess glucose gets stored as fat) to burning fat as its primary fuel source. This is why you can eat so much fat on the diet - it gets burned right away to fuel your body, and once your body is using fat as fuel, it turns to stored fat and starts burning that too. When your body starts burning fat as its fuel, you're in ketosis.

So anyway, science lesson aside, the point is, from a behavioural perspective, there is sort of a built-in cheat-protection on this plan. I don't take weekends off, or figure it's fine to have a slice of cake at the office or whatever because I'm going to the gym after work. (And again, I must stress: NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT! I actually like that approach, i.e. a little something called "moderation" or "balance" or as some might say, "a bit of frigging perspective".) But the way I was going the past few months, I just needed a more disciplined approach, and in order for Atkins to work, I have to trust the science, since I can't trust myself to veer just a little off course without winding up in Albuquerque.

As for my weight loss thus far...
Well, I'm not exactly sure. I was too depressed to weigh myself at the outset, so I can only estimate what my starting weight was, based on the way my clothing (didn't) fit. I reckon I was between 158-160, but can't say for sure. This morning I am 151.5. I am not saying I've lost minimum 6.5 pounds thus far; I'm sure some of that was water and whatever. When I weigh myself next weekend it will be more telling. Would be nice to finally start losing at a decent rate. I wouldn't mind an average of 2 pounds a week, which is safe. I'm not looking for a quick fix; just want my metabolism to do its part if I'm gonna bust my hump six days a week in the gym.

So anyway, very cool. I'm encouraged. We shall see what continues to unfold...

PS Lola says upside down meow.

Jul 13: Recommitted and it feels so good

It's been roughly six months since I started this blog. I've lost between 10 and 15 pounds, depending when you ask, which is... well, let's face it, not outstanding. On the other hand, I've also run a 10k and I do cardio usually 3-5 times a week, with hour long strength training sessions twice a week, which I can and do consider to be very good, possibly outstanding. I am not really any closer to vanquishing the binge eating habits that have dogged me for most of my adult life, but I am better at accepting my shortcomings and not hating myself for them.

I think it's time for a re-jiggering. Last week the wheels came off the bus a bit. I've been injured (some sort of recurring issue with my left calf - I am going to see a physiotherapist about it, since my benefits package at work covers $500/yr for physio), so I've been slacking a bit on the exercise (haven't run in 2 weeks, though I've done some cardio at the gym). And I've been resentful about not getting to eat anything and everything that strikes my fancy.

So last week I said, okay, have what you fancy. Get it out of your system. Gain a few pounds. And then next week, we begin again, in earnest. Here I am now, raring to go (despite the lingering ache in my left calf; I shall not let it deter me).

My commitment to myself includes the following pledges:

• do the 10 minute abs video every day


• exercise six days a week - aim for 500-600 calories burned in a session


• STOP TAKING THE WHOLE WEEKEND OFF!!!


• start reading labels again and avoid lots of preservatives and junk, especially artificial sweeteners – I think if I stop consuming so much sugar, I will stop craving it so much


• make a video once a week


• sign up for Toronto Island 10k Run, happening Sep 20


• lose 10 pounds before Toronto Island Run


• make out with myself every day, no matter my size

Some of those goals will be tougher than others but I know I am up for it. One of the things that has really been slowing me down is taking the weekends off. I think my compromise from now on will be, on ONE day of the weekend, I can have A meal off. Not the whole day off. We'll see how that goes.

Okay, to kick the whole thing off, a fresh viddie, featuring killer guitar solo! Plus an invitation to any and all to step forward and have yourselves committed! Just sign up in the comments section - we'll keep each other accountable and honest and encouraged and supported.

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down...

GO CRAZY!

Jun 16: Cereal killer

There are certain foods that I just can't be trusted to have in my apartment. I'm not talking about the obvious chips-and-chocolate stuff. I'm talking about basic foodstuffs that most normal people keep in a well-stocked pantry to be consumed in single, normal size portions, over several weeks.

For examp, cereal. On Friday night I was heading home from work and I was starving. I felt like I just needed a small burst of carbs to hold me over til dinner, so I picked up a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. A three quarter cup serving is 120 calories. I figured that oughta do the trick - just to munch on, no milk. And it mostly did. But then it tasted so good, I had another three quarter cup serving. Only another 120 calories. I'm still okay. So, what's for dinner? Neither of us felt like cooking. We decided to order sushi for delivery. Bit of a mistake, as it takes an HOUR to deliver. Think I'll just have another sensible portion of Cheerios while I wait...

Sushi arrives and... WHOOPS we ordered WAY TOO MUCH. Oh well, I already blew it by eating a ton of Cheerios... you can see where this is going...

Luckily, as Anne of Green Gables winsomely observed, tomorrow is another day, with no mistakes in it yet. Unfortunately, tomorrow also happened to be Saturday. I got up and had some Cheerios for breakfast. A couple hours later, I had some Cheerios for lunch. Mid-day snack, Cheerios on vanilla ice cream. Etc. Basically, the box was gone by mid-Sunday.

I suppose all of this would be okay if I'd gotten off my ass on the weekend and done a sensible portion of cardio. I haven't worked out since Thursday, this being Tuesday. In addition to my pre-existing condition of chronic laziness, I got thrown off my routine on the weekend - my Saturday appointment at the gym got cancelled because Derek's parents were in town. Whatever, Derek's parents. I hope you're happy.

(I'm going to the gym tonight and doing an hour of cardio, right after work, no excuses.)

Any of you guys have foods you can't have in the house?

May 12: Some days I really hate myself

... sigh...

Fresh off the triumph comes the inevitable tumble into Shitsville, it seems. I don't know, guys. Why am I like this? I hate it. I hate me. On Sunday everything was going along fine, I shot footage for a video update, I had lost a couple of pounds, finally back in the 140s, was headed out to do some shopping and get some new jeans and such... and then... wha' happen?

Epic fail. Je ne understand pas. I started thinking about chocolates and soon nothing would deter me. On the way home I stopped and bought healthy groceries (good work) and then made another stop and got chocolates. Went home and ate the chocolates plus whatever else I could get my greasy paws on.

Then yesterday I was like, okay, that was a blip, back in form today. I went to work, hated my job, started thinking about chocolates again... and then I stopped on the way home from work, bought chocolates and some other shit, then on the way home from that stop, I saw a McDonalds and thought, what the fuck, and went in there too. It's like, I just went into this spiralling behaviour. This morning I didn't want to get out of bed. But I thought, what good is calling in sick going to do? What would you do instead? Lie around and cry about what a fat pig you are and then go eat some more? I went to work. I plan to run tonight after work, and to not eat crap again. Sometimes these things, they just run their course. Sometimes if I spend too much time consciously trying to talk myself out of it, I just end up spending more time in it. Whatever "it" is. I just know that I feel like shit, only want to sleep, feel like a failure, hate myself for wallowing, etc, etc.

I also know that this feeling won't last forever and I'll be back on the horse again soon. I don't know, maybe I just need to feel the lows in order to feel the highs. Maybe I'm just wired this way.

Do any of you guys relate?

May 4: I am the champion!

Hey guys, sorry I didn't post an update yesterday. I was hoping to have the video done, but there's a lot of editing needed because I'm adding subtitles to half the footage because it was so loud and the sound on the Miaouw's camera is not the greatest.

Anyway, I will post a blog with the video later. Possibly tonight.

So, the big event! I made it! I finished in a time that was faster than my best-hoped-for time. Unbelievable. Awhile back during training, I ran 5 miles in 59:48, which I thought was really great, because I was able to average 5 miles an hour, even with walking breaks. So with that time in mind (and the run being 1.2 miles short of a 10k), I calculated that if I could maintain that speed on race day, I could finish in 75 minutes.

Then I went to California and tried running outside in the gently rolling hills of Orinda. I'd been training all winter on a treadmill, and I hadn't even done any hill training on the machines at the gym because I was focussing on achieving distance. I have some kind of weird block about running outside, so I kept putting off doing any training outdoors. The California runs were a disaster; I gave up after 2k on the first day, and 1.5 k on the next. It was very disheartening. So I revised my estimated race day time. I thought, 75 minutes would be OUTSTANDING, 80 minutes would be really good, but most likely I would wind up somewhere between 80-85 minutes if my running in Orinda was any indication of how I ran outdoors.

So, guess what my time was. GUESS! Okay I'll tell you. I finished in 1:09:07. Yes, that's 69 minutes – faster than I ever imagined I would or could go at this point in my running ability. I know it's still pretty slow for a lot of people, but I was absolutely thrilled with the time. I felt pretty strong out there; I even ran up the few hills the course presented with relative ease. It was just freakin awesome.

A huge, massive shout out to my girl Christy, for getting up on a Sunday morning and dragging herself down to Yonge & Elm and giving me the best high five of my life and screaming and cheering for me as I passed. I wish I could have stopped to hug her. Next time we see each other, I'm gonna hug the stuffin outta you!!!

And of course, huge shout out as well to my Miaouw, for waking me up (almost missed the whole damn thing because I forgot to turn the volume up on my clock radio), going up to the starting line with me, and then struggling valiantly for the next hour and a half to make it to the finish line, though the TTC fought him at every turn. (The Yonge subway does not start operating on Sundays until 9 a.m., and of course the Yonge bus was being diverted -- all the way over to freakin Avenue Rd -- because Yonge St was closed for the race.) So, he didn't get to see me cross the finish line, but then again, all my fretting while I waited and waited and waited to be herded out with all the other runners to the exit was for naught, since he wasn't even there yet anyway. Seriously, it's totally ridiculous how they have the end of the race set up. You cross the finish line, totally psyched, and then there's this massive line up ahead of you of thousands of runners, walking at a snail's pace, if that, waiting to get our medals and then pass through the eye of the needle to the "post race party" (as if). It was totally insane. There wasn't even a water stand until I'd been waiting in line for 15 minutes. And by the time I was finally out of there, my legs were cramping from lack of stretching.

Well, whatever, who cares. We found each other, wandered around Harbourfront for the next hour and a bit, and had a victor's brunch at the Richtree Market in the BCE place. Then we went home and I napped for 3 hours.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all of you who've encouraged me to do this. And most especially to those who pledged my fundraising efforts for Camp Oochigeas. I didn't promote it at all, just through this blog, and even so managed to raise $300 for kids with cancer to go to camp and have a great summer. Everybody wins (but I am the champion, my friends)!

More later...

Apr 26: weekly results viddie, featuring LOLA!

Hello faithful handful!

I had a lazy day with the Miaouw today. Had planned to do a run tonight but... didn't. Oh well. I made a new video for you anyway.

My thoughts are consumed with the Sporting Life 10k run next weekend. I'm nervous that I'm gonna suck out loud. I mean, I know, I know, it doesn't matter what my time is, at least I'm doing it, blah blah justificationcakes. I know that whatever happens this year will just be a starting point to measure my progress against in years to come. I think it's a good idea to think of it that way, as a multi-year plan, looking forward to sustaining an active lifestyle instead of just adopting it for a short period of time in an effort to lose weight.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to running outside (I always feel like I'm hurrying somewhere, like I'm late and panicky, instead of just settling into a rhythm, like I do on the treadmill), but I'll commit to doing at least this one run every year, and trying to improve my time. I may never try to run for a longer distance, who knows, but I will definitely continue to run after next weekend. I like the challenge, and I like pushing myself to better my numbers every week. For awhile I was running at 5 mph (which, who are we kidding, has technically got to be classified as a jog). Lately I push it up to 5.5 mph and see how long I can sustain that speed. Then when I run at "just" 5 mph, I feel like I can go for a lot longer before I need to rest.

I've decided that a time of 80 minutes next Sunday would be outstanding, but I would be happy with 85. If I come in past 90, I will have suffered out there. I did run 5 miles (8 km) in one hour on the treadmill, a week and a half ago. I don't know if I can do that kind of time running outside. We shall see. Fun! Well, thinking about it now is fun, and reflecting on it when it's over will be. I don't expect the run itself will be too, too fun. I think it will be something to endure and to feel powerful and accomplished about as soon as it's over.

Apr 23: The Prodigal Returns (with new viddie!)

Ummm... hello?

Anybody still here??

Let me just dust off the keyboard and wipe away the cobwebs. Sorry I've been gone so long! Not sure exactly what happened there. A bit of laziness, a bit of diminished focus and engagement in the process, a lack of faith that people are still reading this... stuff like that.

But I do know from some of you that people are still reading (THANKS, you're the best) and wondering how I'm doing, and even looking to this blog to kick-start your own focus and engagement in the process, which kinda blows my mind. I LOVE US!!!

So, I took a few days off the eating right thing, and I took about a week off of the regular exercise business. Went up about 2.5 pounds. Frickin jeez, you know? It takes like, a month to lose that weight and it comes back on in a week. Gah. But actually, as of yesterday morning, I had managed to get the extra pounds offa me again, so maybe it was just a lot of water hanging around from all the salty badness. I will do an official weigh-in video this weekend, but yesterday morning my weight was 151.5.

Okay, I will blog more this week, about important and/or random topics. It's 4:45 in the a.m. right now so... what the eff am I doing up? Answer: I went to bed at 9 because I was fried and now my sleep schedule's all mucky. Added bonus: rambly blog.

Mar 29: New video and checking in

Hi kiddies,

I've been slowing down in my blogging here, and have definitely been a bit... erm, slovenly in responding to your kind comments. I will do better. I think a big part of it is my struggle to get through this plateau or whatever it is. I'm trying not to get downcast about how slowly my body is reacting to all the exercise and such. It is really great news about dropping 4% in body fat. In fact the difference in poundage was only 3 pounds weight loss (which... grrrr!!!) and yet I am obviously a much leaner... or perhaps, less fatter...er... person. To drop 4% of body fat with just 3 pounds lost means I must be acquiring muscle mass. So, I gotta focus on that and just stay the course.

I weighed myself again this morning: 153, or maybe 153.5. Last week I was 154, and then 154.5, so I guess this is good news. Except that, it tells me that the weight gain last week wasn't just water or a blip of some kind, because I'm now just back to where I was two weeks ago. Oh well, whatever. It's not a race.

Anyway, I did a video on Friday night, expressing my frustration. I did it in greenface. No offense intended to the green community.

Thanks for continuing to cheer me on!

Feb 25: week 8 weigh-in viddie, finally!

Hey everybody, sorry for the wait. Sunday night I was doing an epic liveblog chat during the Oscars, Monday night I was beat, and last night I was all set to finish the damn thing and my boyfriend called and we spent several hours on the phone. Priorities!

So anyway, things are going well this week. I am still struggling with the "menu fatigue" business, but I am really focussed on exercise (last night I ran 2.5 miles / 4km without stopping once for a walking rest!) and it's definitely keeping me in the game.

Best news of the week
This morning someone at work asked if I'd lost weight. Wheeeeee!!!




Postscript for my mom: hi mom! My mother has technical issues that somehow preclude her from viewing the videos. So from now on, I will also provide a recap of how much weight I've lost. Bonus this week: screencaps showing before/after thus far.

This week's weight loss: .5 pounds
Total weight loss: 8.5 pounds
Current weight: 157

Feb 19: Staying focussed

Hiyooooo!

I'm back in the land of the living dead a.k.a. my job. I took a few days off to spend time with my Miaouw, in town from California for a week. For those who don't know me (and even for some who do), this is my infernally cute nickname for my boyfriend who will be moving to Toronto in May to be with me and Lola, in that order.

Anyway. As many of you may know, it's not easy staying on track when you are sharing your life with someone else. Actually, that is not always true. Sometimes having someone else around can actually be helpful, in terms of motivation and support. As a binge eater, my most destructive behaviour happens in secret. (The Miaouw calls this "secret eating", and I love how he takes this thing that I feel total shame and self-loathing over and sort of demystifies and almost trivializes it, just insofar as my perception of it as something big and serious and impossible to conquer. It's not a secret anymore.)

The flip side, though, is that, like the song says, we're here for a good time, not a long time and there's an urge to make the most of our visits by just indulging in everything fun and delicious and happy-making while we're together, including and especially eating our faces off and chasing it with beers and silliness. Healthy routines get put on hold, and once you've cast them aside, it can be hard to resume them.

Well, this visit I think I did a damn fine job of toeing the line. I kept both of my appointments with my trainer, one of which was on Valentine's Day, and also got the Miaouw to join me for half an hour in the exercise room on Monday night while I did a two mile run (he cycled 6 k and suffered the dreaded bicycle butt for his trouble). I also cooked for us quite a bit, and stuck with my very healthy veggie stirfries. We did eat out a couple times, and one of those times I had a roasted vegetable sandwich with a side order of fries WHICH I THOROUGHLY AND COMPLETELY ENJOYED, to the extent I wanted to finish it off with some sort of extravagant dessert (indulgence is a slippery slope, my friends) but I was awesome and kept myself in check.

Anyway, I'm planning on doing a run on the treadmill tonight, followed by an indulgence of another sort (cheeseball Grey's Anatomy -- it's February sweeps, yo! Faye Dunaway is gonna be on! Cut me some slack!) and then sticking with the exercise for the rest of the week.

I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself these days.