Jan 27: Metabolism like oobleck

First off: shout out to the birthday girl, most Snaggest of All, Ms. Punica Granatum!

Okay, on to the business at hand. Now that I'm a card carrying DubDub meeting attendee, weigh-day is Wednesdays. I go to a lunch time meeting with my girl L-Mac² (another well-deserved shout out). I can see you readers checking your mental calendar and wondering "what the fizzucky, Kentucky, that's two weigh-ins you haven't told us about!" Calm down. We here at D-Weighted are all about becoming healthy people and we totally don't care about the numbers on the scale.

Respectfully,

Anyway. After my first big week (down 6.8 pounds - whaddup), I lost a measly .6 the next week, which I attributed to that snarky bitch Mother Nature from the Tampax commercials (sorry for TMI, but those ads are hilarious/punch-inducing), and then yesterday I learned I'd lost just one pound. Okay, okay, "we are not about numbers here" (press play, above).

When I was doing Jenny Craig, I fell into a bad habit of getting weighed on Saturday and then going absolutely apeshit berzerker and eating whatever I wanted, plus things I probably did not want, for the rest of the day. The first 3 or 4 days of the week would be spent making up for Saturday's bad behaviour, and so I was doing well if I lost a half pound to a pound in a week. This time around, thus far anyway, I have been soooo good! I don't even eat my damn flex points. I don't take weigh-day off. I continue primly on with my point counting and dogged adherence to the program.

I just can't believe how easily I put on 25 pounds in the fall, and how hard it is to lose it. I was hoping, at least in the first month or two, that rejecting the so-called "cheat day" mentality would result in a couple pounds a week loss, at least at first, especially because I have so much more to lose now. But perhaps I have permanently crapped up my metabolism. Or, I'm just old. I don't know.

The thing is, there is nothing to be done about it, except suck it up and continue on. I realize that I just CANNOT continue to slack off like I did in the fall and be okay with gaining a bit of weight, knowing I can re-double my efforts when I am more mentally prepared to do so. That shit just won't fly no more. It is irritating to say the least. But there's just no point in whining about it, because that's only going to foster resentment, which inevitably leads to bad behaviour (see diagram). It is what it is.

No worries, fwiends. I'm irritated, but undeterred. Still determined, still feeling good about improving my health, still realizing that the psychological issues that are behind the constant up and down on the scale is what I really need to address. I'm okay, and actually still feeling PDG in spite of it all.

Jan 24: Hello Monday

Greetings, pork belly futures, or should I say soon-to-be-pasts,

How was the weekend? I am pleased to report that I ran (okay, yogged) 3 miles on Saturday and 2 miles on Sunday. I did 3 and 1's (run 3 mins; walk 1), which helped considerably. The last time I got on the treadmill was a couple weeks ago, when I first started back on the straight but not narrow lifestyle, and after 10 minutes (no walkies), my asthma was such that I could not continue. Instead I increased the incline and walked for 20 more minutes. It was hard not to feel dejected, but I soldiered on.

Over the past two weeks, I've gone to the gym on average twice a week, and done an hour of cardio each time. Mindful of my wheezing, tubnacious stature, I didn't push myself to go too, too hard. Relied on my trusty heart rate monitor to assuage any guilty concerns I wasn't pushing myself hard enough. When your watch is beeping like a neglected car alarm for your entire workout, you take it as a sign that it's okay to do the elliptical at level 3 instead of your customary level 6. Anyway, all this to say, my cardio endurance or capacity or whatever is definitely improving, which is a very good feeling indeed. I have big plans to increase my gym attendance this week to 3 times a week, plus runs on the shitty warped treadmill in my building that gives me massive static shocks from the dry weather.

Eating has also been awesome. I even went out on Friday night with the Miaouw and managed to get mildly sloshed, have dinner, and only use 2 of my flex points. I drank white wine and ate a salad with salmon and dressing primly on the side. Excellent work. Also braved the insanely cold weather yesterday (although I did not go so far as to run an 8k race like my rockin friend The Torq - photos on Facebook looked like she was doing a deep sea dive in all the head-to-toe gear she was wearing) to go to the grocery store and stock up on low-point treats to stave off any pending feelings of deprivation. My freezer runneth over.

So overall I am feeling PDG (pretty damn good). Just wanted you all to know that. Anybody out there need me to tell them how damn good they are? I am more than happy to do so.

x's and o's for all y'all!

Jan 20: Fitness goals

So, a couple years ago when I started this blog, I decided to set a fitness goal of running a 10k. When I achieved the goal a couple months later, I reflected in a video blog that setting a goal had been a key factor in getting my ass out to the gym on a regular basis. I really do believe that. If you have to train for an event of some kind (whether it's one of your own planning or a large scale organized affair), the motivation to ensure you're prepared for it tends to get you off the couch when plain old vanity or concern for your health might not be sufficient.

So what is my current fitness goal, you may ask? Well. I am still deliberating on whether this is something I will feel comfortable attempting, but I am toying with signing up for the Good Life Toronto (half) Marathon, happening Sunday, May 15. I haven't signed up yet, probably won't until much closer to the date.

The background on this heady notion: for several years now, my mom and I walk this half-marathon route, although up until this year, the event has been held in October, not May. This past October, we were signed up to do it, and then my mom injured her knee. I decided to go anyway, with her encouragement. I hadn't done any training, hellz, I hadn't even done any running for several months. But since I was there on my own, I decided to experiment and see how much of the route I could run. I was able to alternate running and walking until about the 15 km mark, when the pain was too great to continue the pavement pounding, so I did my best to walk the rest as fast as I could. Where my mom and I have normally completed the 21k in around 3:45-3:50, I finished in 3:11. Not exactly world class, but I was pleased. I thought if I could do that with no training at all, maybe I could improve my time considerably by the new spring date. At least I have a time to shoot for. I'm sure I could get under 3 hours, and would hope for around 2:30-2:45.

The thing is, I am so fucking fat and out of shape right now! I have no lung capacity, and get the asthma-wheezies after 10 mins of running. I really need to build up to it, and I'm not sure four months is enough. So for sure I will sign up for the Sporting Life 10k again, happening 2 weeks before the half marathon, on May 1. I will look to improve my time again this year (first time, 1:09; last year, 1:07). I'm sure running will get easier once I shed some of the excess baggage, and also get back into shape.

The Good Life marathon route is similar to the Sporting Life route (although twice as long), in that they both go straight down Yonge St for much of the run, which is mostly all downhill. This is a sizable carrot in front of me. I could put off the fitness goal til the fall, when Toronto's other marathon, the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront marathon, happens on Oct. 16. But I like the idea of the downhill boost. So, I don't know.

For sure I will do the 10k. For now I am focussing on just doing an hour of cardio in the gym 3 times a week, gradually introducing running into that as I start to feel more fit. Basically, I am not a fan of running. I am a fan of achieving seemingly impossible goals, though, so I soldier on.

What about y'all? Share a goal so I can hold you to it!

Jan 18: The new DubDub

Hello pudge-busters!

So, as I said last week, I am back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon and so far I am very pleased. They've done some tinkering with their program and the changes are great. If you are unfamiliar with the ways of the DubDub, I gave a quick rundown of it last year. Foods are assigned a point value. You get X number of points per day, depending on your current weight. Points used to be calculated based on calories, fibre and fat content of a food. One point was around 50 calories, but if it had higher fibre and/or lower fat, the caloric value could be a little higher.

With the revamp, points are calculated differently. Calories don't figure in to the equation at all; instead, you enter grams of protein, carbohydrates, fat and fibre to calculate the point value. Foods that are higher in protein/fibre and lower in carbs/fat tend tend to have a lower point value. The thinking is, two items may have the same calories before you ingest them, but the amount of those calories your body uses to digest the food will vary depending on their nutritional value. Some foods are far more efficient.

I think this is fantastic for a few reasons:

1. Calories, and the need to count (some might say obsess, but I don't judge) are removed from the the equation. While counting calories may be effective, there is no incentive to eat foods with more nutritional value. It's a subtle way to shift the way I think about food, not thinking about calories all the time.
   
   (Having said that, it's a hard habit to break, and I usually keep a mental tab on how many calories I've ingested on any given day. As you know, I love to count.)
   
   
2. In the past, the strength of DubDub's points system, its flexibility, was also its weakness. If you wanted a Big Mac, you could eat a Big Mac. You couldn't eat anything else that day, but the option was always there. With this revision, the flexibility is still there, but I feel like I am being encouraged, almost pushed (in a good way), to make healthier choices.

Okay, those are kind of the same reason, stated twice. Whatever, you get the idea.

The other thing that totally ROCKS is the advent of free fruit. Even though they contain carbohydrates, fruits are no longer assigned any points. So if I've eaten all my points in a day and I'm craving a little somethin-somethin, I eat frozen grapes. LOVE the frozen grapes! And I add a banana (formerly 2 precious points of my daily allotted 23) to my cottage cheese breakfast in the morning with impunity! When I want something decadentish, I go to the store and buy fresh pineapple chunks. SO! GOOD! The result is that I am eating far more fruits and vegetables than ever before. I think free fruit is a revolutionary idea in the world of dieting and I am ALL for it.

Since the point value of many foods has gone up with the new calculation, the daily allotment of points (and the weekly allotment of "flex" points, to be used for special occasions or to bump up your daily points allowance if you need it) has gone up. It used to be 23 daily plus 35 for the week, and now it's 29 daily and 45 for the week. Now that fruit is free, I feel like I have more points than I know what to do with! It's awesome! (This is another reason why I count my calories at the end of the day - just to check in on how much I'm actually eating. FYI, the amount of calories I ingest in a day of eating 29 points and a couple of free fruits is around 1200-1300 a day, which is pretty standard on a healthy weight loss diet.)

So the changes are not so much about how much you eat (you get the same amount of calories each day, more or less), but about how you think and feel about the food you are eating, and about the choices you are making. I'll make a stir fry and eat it without rice and I'm satisfied. (If I'm not, I'll eat some FREE FROZEN GRAPES!)

So, thumbs up to the new DubDub. So far, so good.

Jan 17: Fat symptoms

I hate wake-up calls. Wish I could chuck my clock radio out the window like an SCTV television set. But they are necessary evils in navigating through a world where our minds and bodies have been segregated into different classrooms.

I've been a pudgy little lady from pretty much day one, but I've always been very healthy. On all of the medical questionnaires I've ever had to fill out for whatever reason throughout the years, it's been a long list of checkmarks in the "no" box, for the most part. I do have mild asthma, exacerbated by cold weather and/or sometimes highly aerobic activity like running. But generally speaking, I am very fortunate.

I've been unhappy with my weight for most of my life, but in the past it was all about vanity. Lately, though, I've been alarmed to find that the extra weight seems to be having physical effects on my ability to get 'er done in the day to day. Probably because there is so much extra weight. Getting up off the sofa is no longer just a mental/emotional challenge - I sometimes find myself struggling to push myself up, much to my horror and embarrassment. My asthma has been much worse than usual. I can't exercise to the level I had become accustomed without my heart rate zooming up - have had to curtail the intensity. That could just be that I let myself get out of shape, but I suspect this is augmented by the sheer volume I am trying to move these days too.

Yikes, guys! My current BMI is 32, which is classified as "Very Overweight". Not yet obese, but even so. I've taken my health for granted because it has come so naturally to me for my whole life. But carrying around all this weight is taking a toll that has me, finally, more concerned about wellness than about hotness. I've put on so much weight around my middle - my waist has disappeared. And I know that belly fat is the most dangerous kind, in terms of heart disease.

Scary.

It's good though - if vanity and/or self-loathing wasn't quite enough to get me back on the wagon, maybe the threat of cardio vascular disease was! Well, either way, I am back on the road to wellness now, and hope you all are taking care of yourselves too.

Jan 14: TRIUMPHANT RETURN!!!

Okay, not so much triumphant as peeking around stealthily and sneaking in when I figure nobody's looking. If only I didn't have this EXTRA 25 POUNDS TO HIDE.

I am serious, yo. It pains me to admit it, but it's best for me to admit it. Somehow, during the fall, I gained back all the weight I had lost plus another 10. I mean, not "some" how - I know how, but even so, it was shocking when I finally mustered the courage to get on the scale again last week. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Nothing fits. I had to buy new, size XL underwear even. I had to buy new jeans. (I went to Old Navy and grabbed a pair of size 16 jeans, did not even try them on, and dejectedly headed back to my foodcave. Luckily/unluckily, they fit.) This was in December. Pre-Christmas, even! GAH.

Yeah, so. Nothing new under the sun as Shakes the Clown once said. I've been writing this blog for two years, on and off. Taken as a whole, it paints a pretty good picture of the life of a yo-yo dieter. Feel free to send all your fat, forlorn friends here, who may need to understand they are not alone.

Wha happen???

So I gave up on JC around mid-summer, I think. In the fall, I kept trying to get back in the groove, and made several arrested attempts to address my ever-burgeoning belly. Nothing was working for me and it was as if I was watching myself get bigger and bigger and bigger, feeling helpless and almost even resigned to it. Terrible feeling.

At Christmas, I included Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Emotional Eating in a bulk shopping order, for myself. I've been carrying it around from room to room. Last weekend I even read a couple pages. We are getting to know each other first, before committing to anything serious. Conquering this stuff is a marathon, not a sprint. Okay, that's two different metaphors in one paragraph.

My fear about committing to reading the book is silly, but here it is: I feel like, you're supposed to eschew all notions of dieting if you want to get over the compulsive eating thing. But I don't want to be this fat! I want to get thin and THEN get over my compulsive eating. Which I know is counter-intuitive. You don't need to tell me! It's okay. I am living with the fear, making friends with it, disarming it with my charm. (Maybe that's why it's taking so long?) When I'm ready to go there, I will.

Meantime... Weight Watchers!

I decided to give it yet another go. This time, I am going to meetings, not just tracking online. I don't know if I'll stick around at the actual meetings - I tend to look for support through the online communities I am a part of, including this outlet (hint, hint) - but I find it helps me to stay on track if I am accountable to a Scale Nazi.

The new program rocks. FRUIT IS FREE! It's still about points, but the points are calculated differently, with more emphasis on foods that are protein and fibre rich. Foods with a lot of carbs have more points than they used to. Ironically, this no longer applies to the complex carbs found in fruits. It's fantastic.

I lost 6.8 pounds in the first week, which was very encouraging. Of course I feel the need to add the proviso that I always lose big in the first week. We shall see how it goes moving forward. One thing I will say is that I am going to make a concerted effort to avoid the "party on the weekend" mentality that was slowing my progress down in the past. Used to be I got weighed on Saturday mid-morning and then ate everything in sight the rest of the day. Bad idea jeans. I suspect it was affecting my metabolism.

Anyway.

I'm back!