Aug 29: Oh Tee Dub

Well hey there empty chairs! I see you finally gave up. Have you learned nothing? I know I haven't.

So from a low of 144 pounds, achieved in mid-December last, I settled in at around 152-155 for a few months, and then just went, aaahh, fuckit, cake. So, I let there be. There was a month to six week period this summer where every week I'd peer in my garbage and vow not to have any more junk food wrappers in it, followed by a shrug at the vow and more wrappers. I put on like, 10 pounds in July I think. Anyway, I realized I was in dire need of a Scale Nazi, and have resumed attending DubDub meetings (I was trying to go it alone, just subscribing to their online tools, for the past 5 or so months).

Anyway, I'm Oh Tee Dub. OTW. On The Wagon. Of course, last month I was also Oh Tee Dub - Off The Wagon. Will there ever be a time in my life when the wagon just doesn't figure in? Doubt it. Damn I hate the wagon. It's like Eve and the apple. Once you have awareness of the wagon, you can't un-know it. I have been tarnished by the stain of Original Slim. Not that I ever was. Whatever, it rhymed. Point is, I don't know how to not obsess about it, so whatever, I'm just gonna continue on this path and it's fine. This is just me and I'm kinda okay with that.

I'm two weeks back "OP" as the professional dieters --who don't call it a diet; the professional lifestylers, I should say-- refer to it. Which is to say, On Program. I am also resurrecting the C25K program for the second time. Meaning I'm doing it for the third time. My body doesn't have any recollection of being able to run 5k outdoors in a reasonable time and fashion. Maybe all the aspartame is giving my body Alzheimer's. Anyway, I'm in week 2 of that. Up to running 90 seconds at a time, with 2 minutes recovery in between. Wheeze. And I don't mean Mrs. Jefferson. Ah well. Gotta start somewhere. And then start over again. And then actually start from further back since the last time because I'm 12 pounds heavier than the first time I did it.

Good times, friends!

Jan 27: I'm still here (in more ways than one)

Greetings fat sympathizers!

It has been too long, n'estle's-pas? Well, not to get all insecure or whatever, but I was starting to get a feeling like, meeehhh, we, teh internet, are losing interest in you losing weight. I didn't take it personally. It has been nearly a century since I started this thing. Initially I had plans to talk about lots of related topics like mindful eating, body image, depression and food... stuff like that. After awhile though, it seemed like I was just posting an update once in awhile of how much weight I'd lost that week. Felt like things was gittin stale.

In the meantime, my boyfriend set up a blog for me as a Christmas gift this year, where I could write about all kinds of stuff, not just weight loss. Check it out, if you like: The Green Couch (yes, the very same). I've had fun filling it with musings about stupid stuff.

But I find that I miss my old friend, D-Weighted! And it's not like I've given up on the struggle. (If that's the only prerequisite to maintaining this, I'll be posting new content well into the next century, assuming modern medicine continues to find ways to drag life out.) So, an update!

As per subject line, I am still here. I checked my last blog, from September 22. My weight then was 149.8. Four months later, my weight is now 148.2. Argh. Well, I did manage to get down to 144, but then Christmas happened. After Christmas, there was Christmas recovery. I basically indulged in a very old coping mechanism of shutting down and stuffing down. Feelings and food. So I gained around 10 pounds. Lost the first 5 in a week, so it was really only a net gain of 5. But as we all know, it comes off a lot slower than it goes on. So I am doing my best to let go of my disappointment in myself and just look forward. Continue with a lifestyle that has been working well for me, chipping away at the wobbly bits.

By the way, I more or less completed the C25K program and ran the 5K race at the end of October (that's me on race day). My time was 33:52. Not exactly ssssmokin, but I got 'er done. If you double it, it's close to my best time ever for the 10K race.

Also, I got these stupid Zaggora Hot Pants, which I blogged about on The Green Couch. Despite my sheepish after-the-fact belief that this is most likely a scam, I am giving them a go. As they are weight loss related, I will do a follow-up blog here on D-Weighted sometime in the future. If for no other reason than to continue to provide L-Mac with material with which to mock me.

Sep 22: Break on through to the other side!

Well good gracious you adorable weblets!

This week, a significant milestone: re-entry into the 140s zone. Whoa, nelly it's been ages since I've been here. Place looks pretty much the same way I left it. Put on some old size 12 pants this a.m. and they not only fit, they were comfortably roomy. Ladies and gentleman, we have reached the closet re-integration stage. I am starting to wear stuff I haven't even looked at in 3 years. Flipside is, I tried to wear a skirt I bought in January and it was resting on my hips. Nice skirt, too. Ah well, these are problems I don't mind having

So yeah. Lost 2.8 in the last 2 weeks, putting me at 149.8. I love that - just barely teetering on the side of the 140s, but hellz, I'll take it. This is the lowest I have been since starting this blog so I'm feeling pretty optimistic

The C25K thing is fantastic. I'm in week 5 now, which is run 5 mins, walk 3, run 5, walk 3, run 5. Next week I have to run 8 mins. And then all of a sudden it jumps to running 25, with no walk breaks. WTF? I am trying not to panic at the thought of it. I've been doing a 5k run on a treadmill once a week, in addition to the three outdoor runs with the C25K app, so I can be ready for my 5K run at the end of October. My cardio/lung capacity is definitely improving, and I think the extra exercise may be boosting my metabolism too.

I celebrated by buying new shoes.

Sep 1: Unprecedented!

Good Thursday, you chubby delights!

I am back from a week of fellowshipping with some of the great people of our time. Shout out to Snag, Marathon Jan, Pants, LuckyDawg, the girls, and of course, the Big Miaouw.

I am also back from the typically dreaded post-vacation weigh in at Dub Dub. You'd better sit down for this. Not only did I NOT gain weight, not only did I LOSE the extra 1.2 pounds that had ignorantly crept back onto my child-bearing hips that have never borne any creatures... in fact I lost 2.2 pounds! OUTSTANDING!

I had a really full 11 days of vacation, starting with a visit to the Canadian National Exhibition with the Miaouw. We indulged in a plate of what I can only describe as "primal" french fries, then wandered the infamous Food Building, aghast and yet drooling at the excess surrounding us.

We had planned to emulate Templeton the Rat from Charlotte's Web, but found we just didn't have the (expandable) stomach for it. So we skipped the donut cheeseburger, the deep fried peanut butter and jam sandwiches, and we even managed to say no to the deep fried butter. This towering show of strength, combined with about 3.5 hours of walking, resulted in actual weight loss the following morning. What a way to start the vacation!

I spent a couple of days in Kingston, visiting with my oldest and dearest fwiend, Snag, and my mom. Counted my points, went out for Week 2, Day 1 C25K run. Proceeded to a few days in New York with beloved Pants and her two beautiful daughters. Went out for Week 2, Day 2 run (with the Miaouw in tow!) on a trail through the beautiful Rockefeller State Park Preserve where we saw 5 deer. Delightful!

Hurricane Irene kept me in New York a couple days longer than expected, and at that point, I confess, I stopped tracking my points, and I didn't do my Week 2, Day 3 run. But I didn't go apeshit or anything. I probably was a few points over for the whole week, including using up my activity points, but it was well worth it. Seriously guys, I ate pizza, Indian, Mexican, and even McDonald's in a moment of desperation during travel. Hard to believe I still lost weight.

This week I am repeating Week 2 of the C25K, just to get back into my routine. So far so good.

I am now .4 pounds away from a 30 pound weight loss. Right on!

Aug 16: Operation GOMA

Well hello there, patrons of the arse!

As you may have ascertained, I've had a tumultuous, on-again off-again relationship with running. Yes, I have completed the Sporting Life 10k run three times. But almost all of my training for the event in the past has been indoors, on a treadmill. I have gotten to a point of being pretty comfortable running on a treadmill, for an hour with only a few walking breaks [disclaimer: nowhere near that level of fitness at present]. But I have never been comfortable running outside. I get wheezy and asthmatic and zooming heart rate within 4-5 minutes, and the whole thing is pain and un-fun. I want to run next year's 10k in personal best time, and not have to walk more than I run in the last 5k. I know I need to learn how to run outside if I want to achieve that goal.

So around a month and a half ago, I purchased the C25K mobile app for my iPod Touch. For those not in the know, C25K stands for "couch to 5km run". This is a 9 week program that's meant to guide green couch afficionados from zero movement to running 30 minutes or 5 kilometres continuously. The idea is to gradually increase the amount of time spent running between walking breaks. You commit to going out three times a week for just a half an hour.

In week 1, you're out for 31 minutes: a five minute brisk walk warm up (not even running!) followed by 21 minutes of running for 1 minute, walking for 90 seconds, and then another five minute walk at the end to cool down. I mean, you get to walk for longer than you have to run! Soooooold!

The mobile app makes it super easy. You create a playlist (one thing I dislike; cannot just import a playlist from iTunes - you have to add each song to your playlist from within the app, one at a time) and press go. A little bell rings and a man or woman's voice tells you every time you have to switch from walking to running. The clock counts down for you how much longer you have to go before you switch. Your music plays throughout. You just do what you're told and before you know it the half hour is up. Easy!

So what's the deal with buying the app six weeks ago and not doing anything with it? Erm, well? Yeah, that.

Anyway, I've been really inspired by my girl Dylan, who's been doing the C25K for about 2 months now. In fact it was her regular postings to her Facebook page, every time she completed one of the runs, that got me thinking I should look into this. And it's really amazing to hear from her that she's running for half an hour at a time now. Wow!

Also truly inspiring is the progress made by the ever-awesome L-Mac2, who completed the Acura 10 mile [16k] run on Sunday, and is planning to run her first ever half marathon in October. Holy shiza! These women! Are fantastic! And they are inspiring me every day to Git. Off. Mah. Ass.

Yesterday I decided I would do it. And I realized I needed to hold myself to it by creating a threat of pain and consequences for myself if I didn't follow through, or ultimate triumph if when I do. So I signed up for the Toronto Women's 5k run in Sunnybrook Park on October 29. No turning back!

I completed Week 1, Day 1 of the C25K program last night to celebrate.

Aug 10: BOOBS!

Oy. OY! Back off you salivating, stampeding horde! Disgusting.

Yes, today's topic is boobs. Breasts, for the purists. I've had 'em for 30 years and still feel weird referring to them by their Christian name. (Same way I always feel a little fraudulent calling myself a "woman", despite all the empowerment slogans out there, or more likely because of them.)

Well anyway, mine are boobs. I mentioned last blog that I think of mine disparagingly (the term was "fucking huge"), which caught the eye of a couple of friendly commenters. From the anything-but-typical lone wolf came the fairly typical response of "hey, what's to complain about?" And you know, far be it from me to complain about stuff. But okay, twist my arm. Except please don't because the resulting back-arching will only make them stick out more.

I have never liked my boobs. Not when they were little knobs sprouting up from the smooth planarity of my youthful chest, not a couple years later when, shopping for a grade 8 graduation dress, they bulged out of all corners of my no-longer-sufficient bra, leading my mother to astutely observe that it was time for a new bra. Not in my teenage years, when you would think if your boobs are ever gonna sit up straight on their own, this would be the time. (Alas, no.)

They are too big. They are quite heavy. The shape is not so much spherical as oval. They make buttoned blouses difficult to wear without the unsightly gaping business. But you know, as my nephew might say (if he weren't too horrified to be talking about my boobs with me... which, come to think of it, I would be too horrified to talk to him about too) - "That's a first world problem." I always thought if I was ever going to get plastic surgery, it would be a breast reduction and lift. But then I get horrified with myself for slipping into first world vanity contemplations.

So what's the deal with boobs anyway? Why are guys so into them? Is it because they (in most cases) don't have their own? (This raises the question: how do lesbians feel about boobs?) I mean, what if adam's apples were suddenly fetishized everywhere in popular culture? Or the fashion industry started designing pants for men that revealed just a hint of scrotum? I think I speak for most when I say, ew. Both of these body parts are fairly unattractive, and I'm fine with the fact I don't, as a woman, have either. Even the really good looking scrotums (scroti?) are quite wrinkly. Can you imagine if guys started getting laryngeal implants to make their neck bobbles protrude even more? Would adolescent boys be hyper-sexualized in the media?

Okay, I don't know where I'm going with any of this. A'ight I'm Audi 5000.

PS I got weighed today: maintained. This is good news because last Thursday I ate about 6 pieces of cake at work and then instead of doing penance that night, ordered a bucket of KFC as a cake chaser. It was awesome.

Aug 8: The long haul

Greetings, summer funsters!

So it's been awhile. If you've been following along, this would be the point at which you'd expect some sort of sheepish, mumbling, kicking at the ground admission of wagon abandonment, with the accompanying ass-cushion that a three month hiatus from healthy living always brings. Well, ta-da! Not happening.

Yeah, I kinda stopped blogging for awhile there. I was starting to feel like the only purpose of writing was to give a weekly update from my weigh-in. What happened to all my high-brow pretensions of using this blog to examine food and body issues, eating in awareness, the zen of sweat, and the use of affirmation post-it notes to achieve self-actualization? [Seriously, last year for Christmas, my mom got me this book called Operation Beautiful that prescribes leaving notes for yourself on every mirror that insist you are beautiful, regardless of what the mirror has to say about it.]

Well anyway, I've now lost 28 pounds. It's a slow process, but I feel like, after six plus months of living this way, it's become a routine. At this point, I am closing in on the mark (around 150) that has been some sort of psychological barrier for me in the 2.5 years since I started writing this blog. It's not like I've never been below that level, but in recent years, attempts to shed the extra weight have stalled at around this point. So, even though it feels like a massive accomplishment to say, with as much casual indifference as my limited acting skills can convey, that I've lost close to 30 pounds, I don't actually feel like I look all that different. I'm not into clothes that have hung faithfully in the closet, waiting for their chance to impress the world with their cuteness. I am still struggling with my self image. I'll be walking outside and catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and feel dismay rather than pride. Why are my boobs still so fucking huge? I know it's just about patience and hanging in for the long haul.

Glad to still be at it, though. And I'm feeling pretty optimistic about my future chances of looking cute again.