Aug 29: Aaah, heh heh... whoops?

Last night I OD'ed on Atkins bars. I guess it could have been worse. I still have bars left today. Also I didn't go out and indulge in actual carbicide. (The bars are 2-3 net carbs each, which makes the whole thing pretty low impact, big picture speaking.) I sure thought about it. But I just kept thinking about all that sugar running through my veins, how sick I would probably feel (how sick I already felt), and ultimately I talked myself out of it. Victory in the face of defeat (she mutters grimly).

The thing is, these bars are packed with dietary fibre. Like, between 8 and 11 grams each. And... I kinda lost track of how many I ate at around... um... 7. So after I hoovered the last two, I sat back and clutched my sated belly and endured a night of romance-killing gas. Delightful.

The best (read: crazymakingest) part was that this morning I was down half a pound. I was LOL at my scale.

Aug 26: The Demon Aspartame

Shout out: The Demon Barb, who demanded an update.

So, I don' t know, guys. I've been following the Atkins meal plan for over two weeks and I am ALREADY stuck. Seriously, WTF is up with my wretched body. Everything was going along quite nicely, I was losing at a steady pace, and then this past weekend I hopped on a plane to surprise my Miaouw, who is in the Bay Area at the moment, for his birthday. For the first time in... perhaps ever, I stuck with my diet whilst visiting my boyfriend. Well done, you might say, and I'd agree with you wholeheartedly.

So then, why do I come home and find out not only have I not lost any more weight, but in fact I have gained 1-2 pounds? BITCHES! GAH!!!! Quel frustrate.

I surmise that I must not be in ketosis after all, and I start trying to figure out why. The late Dr. Atkins advises that there are a few prescription drugs that may impede ketosis: birth control pills (check), anti-depressants of the SSRI variety (check). So, nothing I can do about those for now. But also, he advises that you stay away from aspartame. Apparently it can kick you out of ketosis.

Well I knew this going in, and chose to continue drinking my beloved, gut-killing Diet Dr Pepper anyway. I adopted a wait and see mentality. But this weekend I had a lot more DDP than I normally do (which is already a fair amount) so I'm wondering if this is the cause. I'm looking for beverages in Canada that are sweetened with sucralose a.k.a. Splenda. Yesterday at lunch I did recon at the the nearby Sobey's and found that Diet Crush (I like the orange; not a huge fan of cream soda) and Schweppes seemed to be the only sweet 'n' fizzy beverages on the mass market that I could choose from. Last night I discovered that the Loblaws President's Choice label makes their Free & Clear beverages with sucralose, so I picked up a couple bottles of that. Today I've been sipping Tangerine-Lime and guzzling water. I had a headache by 10 a.m. which I attribute to withdrawal.

I also bought some ketostix last night and pissed all over my hand this morning trying to get a reading. I've read not to rely too much on what these things say because different factors can impact on the outcome of the test, like time of day, level of hydration, level of recent activity, etc. I've heard you should test every day at the same time, either morning and/or night time. So this morning's piss says: no ketones in the blood. Sad faces.

So that's the update. I need to get off aspartame anyway. I've known this for a long time. So maybe this is a good thing, even if this is not the impediment to ketosis. I will continue to experiment and test with the ketostix to see if I'm doing the right thing. It's annoying, but I am still feeling pretty upbeat overall.

Aug 17: Life on Atkins

So I've been on the Atkins plan for a week and a half now and I gotta say... LOVING IT! Before I go any further (and this is not because I think y'all are gonna sue me or anything), I want to say that I am still considering this an experiment, I am not endorsing it as a magic cure or advocating it as a solution for everyone or for anyone other than me, and even for me, who knows. I'm just saying, I feel awesome.

Here's what's working for me:

No sugar or bread/pasta cravings
I don't find I am missing out on processed carbs like bread and pasta and potatoes. Once in a while (usually after a meaty kinda meal) I think something sweet would be nice, but I don't feel dogged by cravings. Of course, it's early times yet. There is a theory that the less sugar you eat, the less you crave it, and I think that's true, but I don't know if that theory accounts for the psychological or emotional cravings that come later, and may be related to feelings of deprivation, or maybe other stuff going on in your life that's not related to diet and eating. It's early times. So we'll see if it holds. But for now, I feel very satisfied on this eating plan.

Chewing (and swallowing) the fat
I think one thing that is making a difference is not having to hide from fat. Food that is prepared with fats like butter, olive oil or... dare I suggest... bacon grease - it tastes way better. So I am not feeling deprived, I am feeling the opposite. I've never eaten so much cheese in my life! I have four kinds in my fridge right now! It's unbelievable!

Ketosis is keeping me honest
Also working for me: in order for the Atkins approach to work, you can't really "cheat" or have a few extras here and there, the way I have in the past with low fat, calorie reduced diets. The whole point of cutting down so drastically on your carbohydrate intake is to cause your metabolism to switch from burning glucose as its primary fuel source (once carbs are ingested, the body converts them to glucose and uses it as fuel; excess glucose gets stored as fat) to burning fat as its primary fuel source. This is why you can eat so much fat on the diet - it gets burned right away to fuel your body, and once your body is using fat as fuel, it turns to stored fat and starts burning that too. When your body starts burning fat as its fuel, you're in ketosis.

So anyway, science lesson aside, the point is, from a behavioural perspective, there is sort of a built-in cheat-protection on this plan. I don't take weekends off, or figure it's fine to have a slice of cake at the office or whatever because I'm going to the gym after work. (And again, I must stress: NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT! I actually like that approach, i.e. a little something called "moderation" or "balance" or as some might say, "a bit of frigging perspective".) But the way I was going the past few months, I just needed a more disciplined approach, and in order for Atkins to work, I have to trust the science, since I can't trust myself to veer just a little off course without winding up in Albuquerque.

As for my weight loss thus far...
Well, I'm not exactly sure. I was too depressed to weigh myself at the outset, so I can only estimate what my starting weight was, based on the way my clothing (didn't) fit. I reckon I was between 158-160, but can't say for sure. This morning I am 151.5. I am not saying I've lost minimum 6.5 pounds thus far; I'm sure some of that was water and whatever. When I weigh myself next weekend it will be more telling. Would be nice to finally start losing at a decent rate. I wouldn't mind an average of 2 pounds a week, which is safe. I'm not looking for a quick fix; just want my metabolism to do its part if I'm gonna bust my hump six days a week in the gym.

So anyway, very cool. I'm encouraged. We shall see what continues to unfold...

PS Lola says upside down meow.

Aug 10: Emergence

In case it hasn't been obvious, or at the very least, inferable, I've been struggling. Ne worry pas, it's not a new struggle. I've been here many times before; I'm sure it's a cyclical thing, just part of my process.

Which is not to say that the cycle is unavoidable, or that it is predictable in terms of when it will strike, or how long it will last. When I vowed a month ago to get my shit together, I meant it. I thought I was pulling out of it. But events have conspired against me, including the nagging injury, the lack of confidence in my metabolism to respond to "good behaviour" eating, and the annual family weekend visit last week, which always stresses me out. My anxiety (and anxiety-eating) around this event plays out like that saying about the duration of a cold: three days coming, three days staying, three days leaving. That about sums it up. I got a lot of anxiety eating done in those nine days.

So, rather than sink into total desolation, which I rarely do anymore, thank goddess (i.e. thank me), I forged a plan. It is kind of a radical plan, for me, anyway, insofar as I've never tried this, and it goes against everything I think I know about myself as far as how I react to dietary restrictions. But I feel like I need to do something to kick my fat-ass metabolism off the couch and onto the treadmill. GET TO WORK, DAMN YOU!!

Soooo, I am giving Atkins a shot. I know, I know, diets don't work. But what I really need right now is a bit of encouragement. Some gee-dee results, ya know? I'm going to see if this whole ketosis thing really does work, and if my metabolism responds. I don't know how long I will do this. It's an experiment. I'm on Day 4 right now, and feeling okay. Don't find I miss the carbs or the sugar, but possibly (likely) that has something to do with the attempted carbicide (TM Brüno) over the past couple weeks.

This is all new to me, counting the carbs. It's kinda cool to have something new to focus on, and to eat different kinds of foods whilst trying to lose weight. It is keeping me VERY busy, reading up on how it works and keeping track of everything.

I'm not weighing myself until I've done two weeks of "Induction". Partly I just didn't want to know what the damage was - I couldn't face it. Partly I don't want to get discouraged if it takes a few days or weeks to get my body into this crazy fat-burning mode.

I will blog more about Atkins and how it works in future installments, for those of you who are interested.

Rock on, it's good to feel proactive again!

PS Physio seems to be working. I've been easing off the walking to and from work and doing some extra stretching and stuff. Have worked out the last three days in a row and am feeling no pain, knock on head. Keep your fingers crossed for me!